Jamie gets cancer, Frank and the family takes care of him
by no1one77
Summary: Just because you love this story so much and so d I. What happens when your child is diagnosed with cancer? Will the news break you or wil they bring you even closer?
1. Chapter 1

AN: OK, just because you love this story so much, and so do I...

The news just hit him, and they beat him hard. Frank couldn't believe his own ears. His youngest son, his baby, was having cancer? How was that even possible? Jamie wasn't yet thirty years old. Frank could feel the anxiety growing inside him.

"Are they sure it's cancer?" Frank asked after a while, hoping that this was all just a stupid mistake or an awful joke, but instead, it was a cold reality, and they had to deal with it.

"I'm afraid they are, dad," sighed Danny, who came to his father's house to help Jamie break the news on their father and Henry.

"They did an ultrasound, which revealed a lump in my right testicle," Jamie explained to his father and grandfather. "They then ran a blood test which confirmed a high level of alpha-fetoprotein and human chorionic gonadotropins, so-called tumor markers. That's why they're pretty sure, it's cancer," he added, looking away from his father's eyes.

"OK," his father sighed. "So, what is the next step?" He wanted to know, looking questioningly from Jamie to Danny and back again.

"Ehm, I'm meeting with the doctor tomorrow morning to discuss the treatment, but from what I understood, I will probably have radiation and then surgery to remove the testicle and chemo in the end," Jamie announced drily, for he was still absorbing the news.

Frank exhaled deeply, standing up, taking the Scotch and the glasses from the cupboard.

"You will move back in with gramps and me," He stated then. "Danny, I want you to help your brother to bring some things he is going to need from his apartment," he added towards his oldest.

"Dad," Jamie just started to open his mouth.

"Jamie, I'm not going to argue with you on that. You will need someone to look after you, and that's when your grandfather and I come in." He said firmly, pouring himself a glass of Scotch. He usually didn't drink before the evening, unless it was Sunday, but right now he needed a drink, for his world was literally crashing.

"Dad's right, Jamie," Danny added, squeezing his brother's shoulder. He knew how hard this was on his brother. He knew more than well that Jamie was scared, but he also knew their father was right and right now their father's house was the best place where Jamie could be.

"Give me also a glass, Francis," Henry, who till now remained silent, absorbing the news, asked his son.

"I'm also coming with you to the doctor," Frank informed his son, pouring his father a glass of Scotch.

"Dad, it's OK, Danny's already volunteered to come with me," Jamie told his father.

"Good, but I'm still going!" His father stated firmly.

"Seriously, dad, I'll be OK. You don't have to worry about me!" Jamie stressed out. He didn't want his family to worry about him more than it was necessary.

"I know, you will be OK, but I want to hear what the doctor has to say," Frank pointed out. "Jamie, this will be a long and hard fight, and you will need all the support you can get, and therefore, I want to hear from the doctor what we should prepare for." He explained to Jamie, not letting his eyes off his youngest son.

Jamie knew his father meant well, but he wanted to protect him from all of it. He remembered what he has been through the last time when his mother was diagnosed with cancer and how hard it was for him, especially when they lost her in the end.

"Dad...," Jamie started carefully but was instantly cut off by Frank.

"Jamie, I know what you are trying to do, but you are my son, and I should be protecting you, not the other way around." He said, fighting the tears which were coming into his eyes.

"Your father is right, Jamie," spoke Henry.

"We know, you don't want us to worry, but this disease is a bitch, and you will need all of us to help you," he said to his grandson. He then stood up and walked towards Jamie, embracing his youngest grandson into his loving arms.

"OK, then," Jamie sighed, letting Frank know he could come with him to the doctor.

"Thank you," his father whispered.

"Jamie, you will need to tell Erin about this," Henry mentioned silently after a while.

"I know," Jamie sighed. "It's just, she is going to be broken hearted when I tell her," he added, lowering his eyes down.

"That may be true, but she is your sister, and she loves you. Besides, she will want to be there for you," his grandfather stressed out.

"Your grandfather's right, Jamie," his father said, looking Jamie into his eyes. "We all want to be here for you, and we will be!" He stated, giving Jamie's hand a tight grip.

It was already after midnight when Danny came back home. He stayed at his father's house long after Jamie went to bed, keeping their father company. Danny knew how hard this was on him, for it hasn't been that long since they lost their mother to cancer. He knew that the news were devastating for the commissioner. He knew, his father was terrified for his youngest. And he wasn't the only one, for Danny was scared too.

"Danny, is that you, honey?" Asked Linda sleepily, coming downstairs after she heard some noise coming from the kitchen.

"Yeah, it's me," sighed Danny. "Sorry, I woke you up." He said to his wife.

"What are you doing sitting here downstairs in the dark?" She asked as she turned on the light. And then she saw him, her husband sitting on the sofa with a half-empty glass of Scotch in his hand, tears streaming down his face.

"Danny, what is it?" She asked alarmed, fearing the worst.

"It's Jamie, Linda," he gasped, taking another sip from his glass.

"Danny, what's wrong with Jamie?" Linda urged Danny, horrified.

"He has got cancer," Danny told her, more tears coming from his eyes.

"You sure about that?" Linda whispered in disbelief. She couldn't believe her husband's words. Jamie was still so young.

"Positive," he replied. "They did him an ultrasound, plus they found high level of tumor markers in his blood. The doctors are pretty sure it's cancer, although they won't know for one hundred percent till they have the results from pathology." He explained to Linda.

"Oh, honey, I'm so sorry," Linda whispered into Danny's ear, stroking his hair. Her eyes were now also glittering with tears.

"Yeah...," said Danny in a low voice, wiping away the tears from his eyes.

"What kind of cancer is it, Danny?" Linda wanted to know.

"It's testicular cancer," he stated. "I'm going to see the doctor with Jamie and dad tomorrow morning," he let Linda know. "I mean today," he corrected himself as he looked at his watch.

"Of course you are," Linda whispered. Not only was she worried for her brother in law, but also she was worried for her husband because she knew how hard Danny was taking Joe's death. Danny could not lose another brother. He just couldn't. It would have killed him. She thought as she embraced her husband in her warm arms.

Danny took a deep breath. "Linda, I'm scared," he admitted. "This could kill him," he continued, saying out loud his biggest fear.

"He will be OK!" Linda stressed out.

Being the nurse herself, she knew there was a chance that Jamie might not make it, but she needed to give her husband a hope.

"Well, we can only hope," Danny just sighed.

"And pray," Linda added.

Neither she nor Danny would sleep peacefully tonight, both of them would be just tossing and turning in their bed, silently thinking about Jamie.


	2. Chapter 2

"The good news is, testicular cancer has one of the highest cure rates of all cancers with an average five-year survival rate of 95%," the doctor informed Jamie, Frank, and Danny.

"That's good," Frank said, giving Jamie's hand and encouraging squeeze. Hearing the doctor's words, he felt a little bit relieved.

"However, there are things we need to discuss." The doctor stressed out.

He paused before he continued.

"I won't lie to you, Jamie. The treatment will be tough, and there are various side effects we need to talk about." The doctor pointed out, looking first at Jamie and then on the rest of his family members.

"OK," said Jamie nervously. He was scared because he didn't know what he should prepare for. He didn't get much of sleep last night. Danny was right. He thought. He should not google other patients experiences with chemo and stuff. It scared the crap out of him, but he wanted to be prepared, although now he wasn't sure if it was such a good idea.

"First of all, you will have surgery to remove your ill testicle." The doctor informed him. "I booked you for surgery tomorrow at 10 o'clock, so you need to be at the hospital at 8 the latest on an empty stomach." The doctor stressed out.

Jamie just swallowed hard. His head was spinning. He had to hold his chair tightly so he wouldn't fall down.

"Now, I know it may sound scary, but the operation really isn't anything you should be afraid of, Jamie," the doctor assured him. "Of course, it's a bit uncomfortable, but the pain really isn't that bad." He patiently explained.

Jamie just nodded his head.

"However, the following treatment can be more difficult." The doctor stressed out.

"I don't want to scare you or anything, but you have to understand that the radiation and chemotherapy are extremely aggressive to your body, especially chemotherapy, cause it does not attack only the bad cells, but also the healthy ones." The doctor paused, giving Jamie time to process his words.

"So, what kind of side effects are we talking about?" Asked Danny, who stayed silent till now.

"We will get to this when we have the results from pathology and the CT scans, but most patients suffer from nausea, vomiting, fatigue, hair, and weight loss for starters. Muscle pains are also widespread. So is mouth and throat sores. Some patients can also suffer from a blood disorder." The doctor counted out.

Jamie tried to stay calm, but he could feel panic growing inside him. He was grateful that he was sitting right now because otherwise, he was quite sure he would most likely pass out.

Frank caught his son's alarmed look and gave his shoulder a tight squeeze, letting him know that he was there with him.

"However, this can be very individual," the doctor added quickly when he saw Jamie's expression.

"Some patients have great troubles dealing with the therapy, and some don't. Besides, we will know more when we will have your treatment plan after the surgery and after the other tests." The doctor stressed out.

"OK," Jamie mumbled, looking down to the table which was standing in front of him.

"There is also another thing you need to know," the doctor stated towards the three Reagan men. "Now, I know I said that the survival rates are pretty good and that is true, however, during the treatment Jamie's immune system will be compromised and therefore any illness, even a simple cold, could be a threat for him." The doctor said seriously.

Frank looked away, cause he could feel his eyes filling with tears. He remembered this conversation a few years ago when he came to the doctor's office with Mary when she was diagnosed with cancer. That was what he feared the most. Even though the survival rates for this kind of cancer were reasonably good, this was what could get his youngest son killed.

"Hang on a sec, doc, what are you saying?" Asked Danny confused, not sure whether he understood the doctor's words.

"I think the doctor wanted to imply, that even a simple cold could kill me, Danny," Jamie said drily. "Am I right?" He then asked the doctor.

"Well, I wouldn't say it like that, but basically you are right, any illness could be a threat for you." He nodded his head. "That's also why I want you to be extra careful, Jamie." The doctor stressed out, looking into Jamie's eyes.

"Don't worry, doctor, I will make sure of that," Frank, who was squeezing his son's hand, assured the doctor.

"Good," the doctor gave him a weak smile.

"There is one more thing I want to discuss with you," the doctor said. "Jamie, you might want to consider getting your sperm freeze," the doctor suggested carefully, looking sympathetically at Jamie.

"I'm sorry? What?" Jamie asked his brain not really processing the words he just heard.

"I mean, you are still young, and you might want to have family one day. Radiation and chemo kill the sperms too. You might become sterile. Therefore, I would suggest you get your sperm frozen," the doctor patiently repeated his words again.

Jamie tried to stay calm the whole time, but this was too much for him. His head was spinning. He wasn't sure whether he was going to faint or just vomit or both.

"I'm sorry…, " Jamie said. "I just need a minute." He stated towards the door.

"Sure," the doctor replied.

"Jamie, you alright, son?" Frank wanted to know. He was worried about Jamie, but Danny was already on his feet, following his brother to the hallway, leaving his father and the doctor alone in the room.

Jamie was breathing heavily, not sure how much longer he was able to keep it together.

"Hey, you OK?" Danny inquired, patting his brother's shoulder.

"I don't know, am I?" Jamie asked, gasping for some air.

He felt like he might just throw up.

"I mean, this is just too much," he stated as he sat down on the bench in the hallway not trusting his legs anymore.

"I know it sucks, but you have to be strong now Jamie," Danny told him, sitting down next to his baby brother.

"Not only am I supposed to deal with being diagnosed with cancer, but I am also supposed to decide whether or not I want to have hypothetical children with a hypothetical woman, I haven't met yet. I mean, come on, this is just surreal." He stated, frustration evident in his voice.

"Jamie, the doctor, only wants you to know your options," Danny pointed out, rubbing his brother's back. "He just wanted to help, we all do!" He added.

"I know that, Danny. It's just too much right now." Jamie sighed.

"Kid, you don't have to make the decision straight away," Danny tried to soothe his brother. The whole situation wasn't just hard on Jamie but on all of them. "There is some time for you to decide." He stated, still rubbing his brother's back, not wanting to let go off Jamie.

***BB***

Frank sat next to his son's hospital bed, holding Jamie's hand, waiting for him to wake up after the surgery. In Frank's eyes, it was all happening just so fast. Less than two days ago, he learned that his youngest son had cancer. Yesterday they spoke to the doctor. Today Jamie had the surgery. Frank knew that the doctors had to act as fast as they could to save his son's life, but truth to be told, he was still processing the news. He felt like he was in a really bad dream he wished to wake up from. He certainly was living every parent's nightmare. Since he heard the news, he constantly prayed to God for Jamie's recovery, but he also knew he had to keep it together so he could be there for Jamie. That's also why the commissioner took the day off, so he could stay with his son while he will be recovering from the surgery, despite Jamie's very much protests. The doctor informed them that without any further complications, Jamie will be able to go home the next morning. Frank knew that the surgery wasn't that invasive, but he still wanted to be with his son when he wakes up, so he could provide him rather psychological support.

Jamie shivered under the hospital sheets, starting to wake up slowly. Frank just sighed heavily, taking a deep breath. In his eyes, he did not see Jamie the adult, but rather Jamie the six-year-old. But the reality was that his son was now Jamie, the oncology patient. Thinking about it this way, Frank could feel his eyes fighting the tears. He will be OK! I will make sure of that. The commissioner told himself. But he still couldn't get rid of the shadow of the doubt. He has to be OK!

Jamie shivered again, drawing Frank's attention back to his son.

"Jamie, how do you feel?" He asked, seeing his son's eyes open.

"Dad?" Jamie mumbled tiredly, still bit numb from the drugs they gave him.

"Hey there," his father whispered, stroking Jamie's hair tenderly.

"Did I just dream it?" Jamie asked his father, wishing that this was all just a bad dream.

"I'm afraid not," Frank told him, giving him sympathetic look.

"I want to be home already," Jamie stated sadly, looking around his hospital room.

"Jamie, how do you feel? Are you in any pain?" His father repeated his original question.

"No, I guess the drugs they gave me are still working," he told his father.

"Good," the commissioner stated.

The door opened, and the doctor walked in.

"I see you are awake!" The doctor stated cheerfully as he looked at Jamie and his father.

"So, the good news is, your surgery went well without any complications. We should have the results from pathology in three days," the doctor informed them. "Based on the results and based on your CT scan, your oncologist will design further treatment tailor-made for you," he explained the next steps to Jamie and Frank.

"Now, Jamie, how do you feel after the surgery? Any pain?" He asked, looking at Jamie closely.

"I am a bit dizzy, but other than that, no, no pain at all," Jamie told the doctor.

"Well, you feel dizzy because of the drugs we put you under with," the doctor gave him a smile. "You probably don't feel anything because the drugs haven't worked out yet. However, the pain you should feel in your groin area should be quite manageable, the doctor informed him.

Jamie just closed his eyes, trying to escape the cruel reality. Of course, he was glad that his surgery went well without further complications, but he just didn't understand why him? He always was living healthy, doing all kinds of sports. He did not smoke. So why him? He had to ask.

"I have to go now, but I will check in with you later," the doctor said, leaving the father and son alone.


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning Frank brought his son back home. He stayed with Jamie in the hospital the whole time, so Jamie wouldn't be alone. Jamie tried to convince his father to go home, but he wasn't very successful, for Frank wasn't willing to leave his side. He knew well how much his youngest son hated hospitals ever since he was little. He also knew Jamie was terrified since he got the news about his cancer diagnosis, and therefore he was not willing to leave his son alone, especially in an unknown place which smelt like bleach. He had to be there, so he could provide Jamie at least the slightest bit of comfort he could provide.

They both walked into the hallway of Frank and Henry's house, taking their coats off. Henry was instantly on his feet the second he heard the key turn in the front door. The former commissioner rushed to the hallway, eager to see his grandson with his own eyes.

"Jamie!" Henry approached his grandson, giving him a warm hug. "How are you?" He asked after he released him from his firm grasp.

"I'm ok, gramps!" Jamie tried to assure his grandfather, but truth to be told, his worried and worn-out expression said otherwise.

Henry gave him a serious gaze.

"Jamie, I wasn't looking for a politically correct answer," he told his grandson honestly.

"Fine," sighed Jamie heavily. "I'm just a bit tired, that's all," he stated, trying to assure his grandfather he was alright. He then left the hallway, walking towards the kitchen.

"And bit sore," Frank mumbled as he passed his father by, following his own son to the kitchen.

Jamie sat on the kitchen chair, laying his head down on the dining table. He really was tired for he hasn't slept much last couple of nights.

His father walked in just a few seconds after him. He gave Jamie a troubled look.

"Jamie, why don't you go to your room and get some sleep. I know you are tired, son," he suggested as he poured himself a cup of coffee he was yearning for ever since they left the hospital this morning.

"I think, your father's right," Henry, who walked into the room soon after Frank, added, patting his youngest grandson's shoulder, sitting next to Jamie. "You look like you could use some sleep." He said then.

"Alright, I'm going," Jamie resigned as he tiredly stood up. But before he left, he turned to his father: "Ehm, dad?"

"What is it, Jamie?" Frank asked his son, looking right into his eyes.

"Thank you for everything!" Jamie replied. He was grateful that his dad kept him company the whole time. That he was there for him.

"Every time and anytime," his father uttered, giving Jamie a loving look.

"So, how is he really?" Henry asked Frank after they heard the door from Jamie's room close.

"Well, his surgery went well." The commissioner stated. "Naturally, he is a bit sore now, plus he is tired because he hasn't slept well. But other than that…," he paused. "We will know more after the results from pathology and CT scans," he explained to his father.

Henry just nodded his head.

"Pop, just make sure he takes it easy," Frank added then. "I don't want him to pull out the stitches!" He stated tiredly, rubbing his forehead.

"Of course, I will! You don't have to worry, Francis!" He assured his son, although, he knew more than well that Frank could hardly not worry. His youngest child had cancer, so, how could he not worry?

Frank looked at his watch and said: "I have to keep going. I have got an appointment with the mayor to discuss the budget cuts," he sighed tiredly. The last thing he wanted to do today was to discuss the budget cuts with the mayor, but unfortunately, he had no choice.

"Alright," Henry replied, raising his eyebrows. He knew well how much his son disliked these meetings.

"What is it?" Frank wanted to know, giving his father an enquiring look.

"I think it's not just Jamie who should take it easy!" Henry replied honestly, concerned about his beloved family members. "I'm just saying, Francis," he added then.

Frank just sighed heavily.

"I will try to come home early tonight, pops," the commissioner stated as he walked towards the main entrance.

"Alright, Francis, I will see you later then," Henry called after his son.

"Goodbye, pops," Frank uttered, closing the door behind him.

*****BB*****

Erin sat next to her younger brother, rubbing his shoulder gently as she watched Jamie sleeping. She looked at his body as it took in and out breaths. She could feel the tears coming into her eyes. The whole family was always bit overprotective of their youngest, especially since Jamie joint the force, but who would have thought this was something they needed to worry about. Who could have thought that her brother will be fighting for his bare life?

Danny walked over to Erin quietly. The scene in front of him just broke his heart. His sick kid brother sleeping in his bed, with Erin crying over him. He planted a kiss into his sister's hair, and he whispered right into her ear: "He will be ok!" He tried to soothe her.

He knew it was his job to watch over them, for he was the eldest.

Erin looked up to see Danny standing next to her.

"You don't know that," she stated the truth, tears streaming down her cheeks. They were both whispering because neither one of them wanted to wake their brother up.

"Well, of course, I don't, but according to the doctors, the survival rates for this kind of cancer are fairly good!" Danny stressed out, taking his seat next to Erin. He then looked at his sleeping baby brother. Jamie had to be ok. He prayed silently. He had to be ok. Because, honestly, he didn't know what he would do if he wasn't.

"I fear for you and Jamie every single day," Erin sobbed. "I'm having nightmares about you or him getting shot…," she said with a shaking voice. "But I would never have thought that this was something I needed to worry about," she uttered, more tears streaming down her face. She had to take a deep breath, trying to calm herself down.

Danny patted her shoulder. He understood what she was talking about because he felt the same way about Jamie.

"Listen, sis, I know it's hard for you, but we have to pull it together so we can be there for Jamie," Danny stressed out.

"And dad," he added after a while, looking into his sister's eyes.

Erin looked at him, not really understanding what he was talking about.

"Dad's putting on a brave face, but honestly, I don't think he is taking the whole situation well," Danny explained.

"He is not the only one," she mumbled as she looked back to Jamie. Ever since she heard the news about Jamie, she could hardly sleep. She also had to fight the tears every time she thought about her baby brother or whenever she heard the word cancer.

"I know Erin, but it won't help Jamie if we fall apart!" He stressed out. "We need to be strong for him so he can lean against us." He told his sister, planting another kiss into her hair, trying to hide the tears which were now glittering in his own eyes.

"You are right,' she stated when she calmed down, wiping the tears away from her eyes.

"I just don't understand...," she added after a while. "Why him?" She asked Danny.

Danny knew what she meant, for their brother was always trying to do the right thing, putting others first. There was hardly anyone with a purer heart than Jamie. It definitely wasn't him, nor Erin or his dad. So, why, Jamie? They all had to ask.

Jamie shivered, drawing his bother and sister's attention to him.

"Jamie," Erin called her brother's name softly.

"Hey, kid!" Danny smirked at his brother, seeing his brother's eyes open.

"Mph," replied Jamie sleepily.

"How are you, Jamie?" Erin was eager to know, rubbing her brother's shoulder.

"I'm ok, I guess," Jamie replied, trying to sit down in his bed.

He winced suddenly, for he could feel the stitches as he was sitting down in his bed.

"Easy, kid," said Danny, who came to help.

"What is it, Jamie?" Erin asked her brother, alarmed.

"My stitches," Jamie explained to her, grimacing his face, as Danny helped him to sit down.

"Jamie, you have to be careful, so you don't rip them out!" Erin urged her brother.

"You sound like dad, Erin," Jamie stated, bit annoyed.

"Come on, kid. Dad worries about you! We all do!" Danny stressed out.

"I know," Jamie muttered tiredly.

"Jamie, you are dad's youngest who was just diagnosed with testicular cancer, of course, he is going to be overprotective of you," Danny tried to explain their father's point of view.

"I just wish people stopped fussing about me, so I could feel normal again," Jamie complained.

"Yeah, Jamie, we get that, but you still have cancer," Erin uttered sadly, stroking Jamie's cheek.

"I know," Jamie mumbled, his eyes were looking away from his siblings so they wouldn't see the tears glittering in his eyes. "I just want my life back, you know. I miss being a cop, although I have been off duty only for three days so far. I miss being able to do whatever I wanted to do. I miss my own apartment…," he counted out.

"I even miss you busting my chops," he joked sadly towards Danny.

"Kid..." Danny stated, unable to finish the sentence. He didn't know what to say to his baby brother so he could soothe him. The whole situation was just breaking Danny's heart.

"We will get through this!" He stated after a while, looking right into Jamie's eyes. "We will!" He said firmly, glancing now from Jamie to Erin, seeking her help.

"Yes, we will!" She assured her brothers. "Together!" She said, taking Jamie's hand into her own hands. She then took Danny's hand too. "As a family!" She added, giving her brothers an encouraging squeeze.

Danny then took Jamie's other hand, and they created a circle from their hands. They used to do the circle thing when they were little. Well, true. Initially, it was a thing between Danny, Erin, and Joe. It was only later when they allowed Jamie to play with them. But even though Joe was no longer with them, the meaning stayed the same. They will always be there for each other. For better, for worse.

Erin just gave her brothers a loving look. She knew they were about to face some pretty hard days, but at least they had each other to lean on. They were in it together. She exchanged a look with Danny, and they wordlessly promised each other to protect their younger brother. They will be there for him along the way to his recovery.


	4. Chapter 4

"Could we just maybe not talk about my sperm over the dinner," Jamie asked his family sharply, frustration evident in his voice.

It has been already three weeks after his surgery. The further CT scans and the results from pathology revealed that the cancer has spread to his lymph nodes, and therefore, it was decided that consequent chemotherapy will be necessary. His chemotherapy was about to start in two weeks; hence, it was about time for Jamie to visit the Fertility Center to freeze his sperm before the treatment begins.

Frank gave his daughter a stern look, trying to implicate her to drop the subject off.

"There is nothing you should be ashamed of, Jamie!" Erin tried to calm her brother down. "In fact, it's quite logical that the doctor brought it up. If you want, I can come with you to the Fertility Center to get your sperm frozen," she offered to her younger brother.

"Erin! For crying it out loud, I really would rather if you did not come with me to the Fertility Center!" Jamie stated sharply, standing up from the dining table. He could not take this conversation any longer.

"Oh, come on, Jamie, you don't have to feel ashamed! I'm your sister, I even saw you naked couple of times," she pointed out.

"Jesus, Erin!" Jamie exclaimed. "Dad! Could you just tell her something?" He begged his father for help.

"Maybe it would be best if we left this topic for now," Frank suggested, trying to calm the situation down.

"Come on, dad, this is ridiculous! There is nothing Jamie should feel ashamed of! It's just a simple procedure, you just go there, do your job, and then you give the material in a plastic container to the nurse, that's it." Erin stressed out, shrugging her shoulders, not really understanding where the problem was.

"Uh, mom, too many details," Nicky pointed out.

"Thank you for the visual, Erin!" Henry told his granddaughter, putting his silverware down.

Jamie just had enough, and therefore, he stormed out of the room.

"Was it really necessary?" Frank asked his daughter, upset.

"I'm sorry, dad, but it really isn't a big deal," Erin stated, not willing to apologize because she believed she was right.

"Well, trust me, for men, it is!" Danny pointed out, chewing broccoli in his mouth.

"Jamie obviously did not want to have this conversation in front of the whole family, but you just couldn't drop it," Frank told his daughter, disappointment evident in his voice.

"Alright, I'm sorry, I'll go to talk to him," Erin told her father getting up from her chair.

"I'll talk to him!" her father stated firmly, not letting his sight off Erin. He still was mad with her. He then stood up and went upstairs searching for his youngest son.

Jamie was hiding in his room.

Frank knocked on the door, asking his son: "Jamie, it's me, dad, can I come in?"

Jamie just walked towards the door and opened them. His eyes were red, he apparently was crying.

"Ah, Jamie," his father told him, taking his youngest son into a loving embrace. "It's okay," the commissioner whispered into his son's ear, trying to soothe his youngest child down.

"I know you are angry at Erin right now, but she meant well," the commissioner tried to explain to his son, holding Jamie close to his chest.

"I know that," Jamie replied softly, more tears coming out from his eyes.

"So, what is it then?" Frank gave Jamie a worried look.

"It's just too much, dad," Jamie told his father between the sobs.

The commissioner was rubbing his son's back protectively.

"Besides, dad, I'm scared…," Jamie admitted suddenly. His words were barely a whisper, but his father could hear them.

"Jamie, I want you to know that it's alright to be afraid, but I also want you to know that you are not alone! We are all here for you! Me, gramps, Danny, Erin, and Linda. And you can talk to any of us about anything." He stressed out.

"Jamie, you really don't have to feel ashamed to talk with us about anything, because we all love you and we want to help you!" Frank added then, wiping away the tears from his son's eyes.

Jamie just gave his father a sad look, before he asked: "Dad, you do realize, that despite the good survival-rates, this could actually kill me?" Jamie whispered.

Frank felt like something hit him. His son just uttered his biggest fear. For a moment, he was in a shock, but he quickly pulled himself back together. In fact, he had to pull himself back together for his son.

"Now, listen to me carefully, Jamison Reagan, you are going to be okay!" Frank stressed out, not willing to accept any other option. "We are going to beat this illness, together as a family," he added, tears glittering in his own eyes. Jamie was not going to die. Over his dead body! Frank thought for himself as he held his youngest child, his baby, tighter to his chest, worried that he might actually lose him. Please, Mary, make sure he will be okay! I beg you! He silently prayed to his deceased wife.

*****BB*****

"Hey, knock, knock..." said Danny before he entered his brother's room. Jamie was now stretch out on his bed, reading a book.

"Dad told me you were hiding here," he stated, taking a seat next to his brother. Jamie was still looking into his book.

"You okay?" Danny asked his younger brother, concerned about Jamie.

"Yeah...," Jamie answered, finally putting the book down.

"Listen, Jamie, I can give you a ride to the Fertility Center if you want," He offered to his brother.

"Thanks, Danny, but I would rather go there on my own," Jamie uttered in a low voice.

"You're not listening, kid! I don't want to go with you to the Fertility Center, I just want to give you a ride there," Danny pointed out.

"Oh...," escaped Jamie's lips.

"Oh!" Danny repeated his brother's words, amused.

"Listen, kid, you're pretty much distracted with everything going on in your life right now, and therefore I would rather drive you to the Fertility Center myself," Danny pointed out. "Unless you want dad or Erin to come with you," he teased his younger brother.

Danny could see the horror in Jamie's eyes.

"I definitely don't want neither dad nor Erin to come with," he stated firmly.

"Good! Then you are stuck with me because dad is hardly going to let you go alone," Danny told Jamie smirking.

"Can't I just go on my own?" Jamie asked, not wanting to acknowledge the defeat just yet.

"Like I said, dad is hardly going to let you," Danny repeated his words. He knew their father did not want Jamie to drive right now and, honestly, Danny felt the same way about it. His kid brother was pretty much distracted with everything, and they just didn't want anything happen to him.

Jamie knew Danny was right; therefore, he only sighed: "Okay, then."

"Okay," replied Danny.

"I promise I will just drive you there and wait for you in the car. I will come with you only if you want me to," he assured his younger brother.

"Alright," Jamie told Danny, giving his brother a weak smile. "Thank you, Danny!" He added then.

"Don't mention it, kid," Danny reassured Jamie, giving his shoulder a firm squeeze.

*****BB*****

Jamie and Danny were sitting in the car in front of the Fertility Center. Teardrops were falling on the roof of the car.

Jamie was trying to find the courage to go inside.

After a while, Danny broke the silence. "I don't want to pressure you or anything, kid, but you do realize you are sitting here already for 5 minutes?" Danny pointed out.

"I know," Jamie mumbled, avoiding Danny's look.

"Jamie, I know this might not seem comfortable to you, but you will have to go there eventually," Danny stressed out to his younger brother.

"I know," Jamie repeated, tiredness and anxiety evident in his voice.

"You remember why you are doing this, right?" Danny wanted to know.

But no words were coming out of Jamie's lips.

"To keep your options!" Danny emphasized, giving Jamie and encouraging look.

"I know that," Jamie sighed heavily.

"So are you going there or not?" Danny, who was starting to get impatient, inquired.

"Or do you want me to call dad to give you a pep talk?" He asked his younger brother.

"I will," Jamie replied. "Just give me a minute," he begged his older brother. And that's why they were now sitting inside of the car in front of the Fertility Center, raindrops streaming down on the car's windshield.

"Ehm, I can go with you inside if you want. I mean, not for the part where you do you know what, obviously…," Danny suggested to his kid brother carefully. "I'll just wait for you at the reception if you want." He added, looking at his brother.

"Okay," Jamie finally agreed. "Let's do this!" He stated, determined.

Both brothers got out of the car, rushing towards the building so they wouldn't get too wet.

"Good afternoon," Jamie greeted the mid-age female receptionist. "My name is Jamison Reagan, and I have got an appointment." He informed her.

"Reagan, Reagan," The receptionist murmured for herself. "Remind me, Mr. Reagan, what's your appointment about?" She asked Jamie as she looked through the database, searching for his name.

Jamie just swallowed hard.

"Ehm, I'm here to get my sperm frozen," he finally uttered. He could feel his cheeks blushing.

"Ah, here you are," she exclaimed after she found his name. "It's room 201, you just go to the left at the end of the corridor. They will be waiting for you." She said, giving Jamie an encouraging smile.

"I will be here, waiting for you when you get back," Danny assured Jamie, giving his shoulder a tight squeeze.

"Thanks, Danny," Jamie murmured, leaving his brother behind.

"Have you picked up the surrogate yet?" The receptionist asked Danny after Jamie walked away.

"I'm sorry? What?" Danny could not really understand her question.

"I asked if you already picked up the surrogate." She repeated her inquiry cheerfully.

"You will have a beautiful child, especially with your partner's looks," she winked at Danny.

Danny just looked at her in disbelief. She obviously thought he and Jamie were a couple. This could not be happening. He thought for himself.

"Come on, you don't have to feel shy to talk about it. I see gay couples coming here every day," she called after Danny, who was pretty much in shock.


	5. Chapter 5

"So, my first chemo is tomorrow at twelve," Jamie informed his family as they sat down after the dinner, for he knew they would want to know. He waited till the kids left the room before he broke the news on his family.

"I will tell Baker to clear my schedule," his father uttered instantly.

"Thanks, dad, but Danny and Erin are already coming with me," Jamie announced to his father.

"Oh, you are?" Frank asked his older children.

"Of course, we are," Erin told her father. "We're going to have a chemo luncheon," she stated cheerfully. Not that she wasn't worried sick for her younger brother, but she promised Danny that she will try her best to stay optimistic for Jamie's sake.

"A chemo luncheon?" Asked Henry, not really sure whether he heard correctly. "What's that?" He wanted to know.

"Don't look at me, pops, I have no idea," Frank shrug his shoulders, giving Erin an inquiring look, asking for an explanation.

"Basically, we will get together to keep Jamie company during his chemo, but we will also have lunch, so we don't have to just sit there and stare," she explained to her grandfather and father.

Henry and Frank just exchanged a concerned look, not sure whether it was a good idea.

"Hey, don't look at me, it wasn't my idea!" Danny pointed out towards his grandfather, unconsciously playing with his saucer.

"Come on, it will be fun!" Erin stated towards her male family members.

"I think it's a great idea, Erin," Linda told her sister-in-law. "This might ease up the mood a bit." She added, giving Erin a warm smile.

"Well, thank you, Linda, finally somebody who understands my point," she stated as she gave Linda a satisfied smile.

"I see your sister and brother have everything covered, but I still can come with you, if you want me to, of course," Frank offered Jamie carefully.

"Thanks, dad, but I think two Reagans as an entourage are more than enough," Jamie stated, giving his father tired but thankful smile.

"Alright, but if you change your mind, I'm always here for you," Frank assured his youngest, giving him a tender look.

"I know, dad, and I'm grateful for that!" Jamie stressed out. The support he received from his family meant the whole world to him right now.

*****BB*****

"Baker, I need you to clear my schedule for today's afternoon," Frank announced to his long-time assistant.

"Sure, sir, any specific reason for that?" She asked, not letting her eyes off her boss.

Frank just paused, taking a deep breath. _Baker would find out anyway, sooner or later. _He thought for himself.

"It's Jamie, Baker. He is ill," he sighed, looking out of the window in deep concern, his forehead wrinkled.

"Sir?" Baker asked carefully, knowing that this was hardly just any illness.

"He has been diagnosed with testicular cancer a few weeks back. He already had an operation, and his chemotherapy starts today," he announced briefly.

"Sir, I'm so sorry to hear that," she told Frank, worried for her boss. She knew this must have been awful for him, especially when his wife passed away a few years back from cancer.

"Jamie didn't want me to come with him today, I think he is trying to protect me," he shook his head. "I mean, I should be the one protecting him, not the other way around," he stated, looking sadly out of the window.

"I think he remembers how hard it was for you to lose your wife to cancer," She told him sympathetically.

"I know, it's just, what kind of parent wouldn't want to protect their child," he said, thinking out loud.

"Frank...," detective Baker started.

"Anyway, Danny and Erin are coming with Jamie today, thank God for that, but I want to be home with him when he gets back," he informed his secretary. But Baker was more than just a secretary, she was his friend, his confessor.

"Of course, sir," she replied.

"Thank you, Baker," Frank said, giving her a weak smile.

"You welcome, sir," she told him, knowing this conversation was over.

*****BB*****

"Ok, so I prepared for us some Mac and Cheese and a salad last night," Erin informed her brothers, taking the food out of the paper bag she brought with her.

They were all at chemotherapy ward of New York Presbyterian Hospital.

"Seriously, sis, Mac and Cheese? Who are you? A twelve year old?" Danny made fun of his sister.

"Come on, it's Jamie's favorite food," Erin defended herself.

"Seriously, kid? You still like this stuff?" Danny asked Jamie teasingly.

"Yeah, I do," Jamie grinned at him.

"Oh, I forgot you were the baby of the family, please, do accept my sincere apologies," Danny continued to tease his younger brother.

"Come on, Danny, how could you not love mum's Mac and Cheese?" Jamie asked his brother, raising his eyebrows in disbelief.

"Yeah, she did great Mac and Cheese," Danny agreed, remembering his mother, who passed away a few years ago.

"I loved the crispy bacon she used to add on the top," Erin reminded her brothers.

"She was a great cook," Jamie agreed.

"Yeah, she was," sighed Danny.

All at once sadden, remembering their late mother. Suddenly, Erin regretted she did not prepare any other food. She definitely did not want to distress Jamie more than necessary, especially not today.

"Jamie, I'm so sorry," she said to her brother.

"It's ok, Erin," Jamie told his sister. "Just because I got cancer, doesn't mean we should not speak about mum," he stated towards his siblings.

Danny squeezed his brother's shoulder. "You're God damn right, kid," he told Jamie. He was proud of him how bravely he was dealing with the whole situation.

"So, how do you feel?" Danny asked his younger brother, watching the fluids streaming to his left arm via an IV the nurse administered about half an hour ago.

"I don't know, the same, I guess," Jamie stated, looking at his left arm.

"I think, it takes some time before the meds really get into your system, Danny," Erin informed her older brother.

"I think, Erin is right," Jamie added, looking now from his arm to the IV bag.

"Ok, who is hungry?" Asked Erin, trying to change the topic.

"I'm," replied Danny, playing along with Erin. "Give it to me!"

Erin handed a pre-packed lunch to Danny.

"Thanks, sis," Danny replied, taking the meal from Erin's hands.

"Jamie, would you like to eat now too?" She asked her younger brother, trying to distract him.

"I guess, you will make me eat it eventually," he sighed. "Am I right?" He asked.

"Yes, I'm." She gave him a grin. "Remember what the doctor said, you may not feel hungry or have taste, but you have to eat!" She stressed out to Jamie.

"Alright, I get it. Pass the salad, please," he asked his sister.

"Good boy!" Erin praised her brother.

*****BB*****

It was already six o'clock in the evening when Danny and Erin brought Jamie back home from the hospital. He was tired and loopy from the chemo, as could be expected. Danny and Erin were both supporting their younger brother with their arms. Henry and Frank almost ran into the hallway the minute they heard a noise coming from that direction. Frank froze, seeing his youngest son. Jamie was as pale as were the walls in the hallway. He had to fight the tears which were coming into his eyes. Fortunately, he was saved by Henry who came to Jamie first, embracing him into his loving arms, buying Frank some time to pull himself back together. _He needed to stay strong for his son. _He reminded himself. He then followed his father's example, taking Jamie into his own arms.

"Let's get you settled in your bed," he whispered into Jamie's ear, leading him slowly upstairs. Danny followed his father and brother just in case they needed his help. Frank laid Jamie into his bed, carefully arranging the blankets around him. He then sat down on the edge of the bed, gently stroking Jamie's hair, waiting till his son felt asleep. Only then he came downstairs, for he wanted to talk to his other children before they left.

"Thank you both for helping your brother today," he told Danny and Erin.

"No problem, there is no place I would rather be," said Erin.

"Yeah, no problem at all," Danny agreed.

"How was he today? Their father wanted to know.

"Well, given the circumstances, I would say he was hanging there pretty good," Erin informed her father and grandfather. "However, it was his first chemo," she said.

Although she did not finish the sentence, everybody knew what she meant to say. It would get harder on Jamie to deal with the chemotherapy and its side effects as his treatment will progress, for his body will get weaker during the time.

"Hey, I know what you're all thinking, but he is Reagan, he will be fine!" Danny tried to encourage his family.

"I wish you were right," his father stated tiredly, fearing for his youngest child.

*****BB*****

Frank was sitting in a rocking chair in his son's room, reading a book, holding a bedside vigil next to Jamie's bed.

His son started to shiver in his bed.

Frank came closer to Jamie, gently rubbing his back, trying to soothe his son down.

"It's ok, Jamie," he said in a low voice, but Jamie's sleep was even more restless, until he finally woke up, looking confusedly around the room.

"Jamie, you ok, son?" Frank asked, deeply concerned about his youngest child.

"I don't know, I don't feel so good," Jamie admitted honestly, trying to sit down in his bed.

"What is it, Jamie? Are you sick, son?" Frank questioned.

"Yeah, I think, I might just throw up," Jamie told his father weakly.

"Ok, do you think you can walk to the bathroom with my help or should I just find you a bucket?" Frank asked, not sure which state his son was in. He remembered Mary being so weak that she couldn't even get up from her bed.

"I think, I can walk to the bathroom, dad," Jamie announced to his father. His face was ashen.

"Ok, but if you feel like it's too much for you, then tell me, because I don't want you to exhaust yourself," his father stressed out.

Frank then helped his son to get up from his bed, and with Jamie leaning against him, they walked to the bathroom. By the time they got there, Jamie was visibly exhausted. Jamie bent over the toilet bowl and puked. His head was spinning, so he had to grasp his father's hand so he wouldn't fall down. Frank held his son firmly.

"Are you done?" He asked Jamie after a while.

"I'm not sure," Jamie told his father the truth. "I think I might just sit down for a while and see whether I get better or sick again." He stated, sitting slowly on the bathroom's floor with his father's help. Frank sat down next to his son, taking a towel from a rack, wiping away sweat from Jamie's forehead. Jamie leaned his head against his father's shoulder.

"This sucks, dad," he complained to his father.

"I know, son," Frank nodded his head, planting a kiss into Jamie's hair.

"You were right when you forced me to move back in with you and gramps." Jamie told his father.

"Was I?" Frank laughed gently.

"Yeah, I think, I wouldn't be able to take care of myself right now," Jamie admitted, realizing the real condition he was in.

"I'm afraid you wouldn't," Frank acknowledged sadly.

"Can you imagine that this is my first chemo and I already feel like shit?" Jamie asked tiredly. "Sorry for the language, dad, but I really don't know how to express how I feel right now otherwise," he added.

"We will get through this, son," Frank tried to encourage his child," stroking Jamie's hair gently.

"I mean, if I feel like this now, how am I going to feel in three months?" Jamie asked, fear building inside him.

"Jamie, the chemotherapy is going to be tough on your body, there is no doubt about that, but therefore you have one week of chemotherapy and then three weeks to recuperate," the commissioner explained to his son. He remembered well going through this before with his late wife. Who would have thought he will be going through this again with his youngest son instead. _This wasn't fair. From all the people, why Jamie?_ He thought, but the sound of puking brought him back to reality for Jamie got sick again.

They spend about an hour sitting on the bathroom's floor before Jamie was at least a bit ready to go back to his room. Frank laid his youngest to his bed, hoping he would be able to get some rest, but when he was about to sit down to his rocking chair back again, he realized his son was shivering with cold.

"Jamie, are you cold?" He asked his son.

"I guess," Jamie replied.

"Ok," the commissioner sighed worriedly. "I'll get you another blanket," he said as he stood up to go searching for another blanket. He soon came back with a blanket in his arms and Henry, who was accompanying him. The commissioner laid the sheet on his son, carefully arranging it around him.

"There you go," Frank gave Jamie a weak smile.

"How do you feel, Jamie?" Henry wanted to know.

"Not so great," Jamie replied honestly.

"Why don't you try go to back to sleep," Frank suggested, stroking his son's hair.

"Will you be here?" Jamie asked his father weakly.

"I will," Frank assured his child.

Soon after, Jamie felt asleep.

"I hate to see him like this," Henry stated.

"I know, pop, so do I. But we have to prepare ourselves, this will get worse," Frank replied, dreading the moment when it happens.

*****BB*****

**Please, be aware that every patient can deal with the effects of the chemotherapy differently; therefore the effects described here are not normative!**


	6. Chapter 6

Erin came to pick Jamie up the next morning. She didn't have any hearing today, so she volunteered to accompany her brother to his chemotherapy, although Jamie tried to persuade his family that they didn't have to stay with him during the treatment. However, they all insisted they will take turns to keep Jamie company. Although Jamie didn't want their lives to be submitted to his illness, he was secretly grateful he didn't have to go through this alone.

"Morning, dad," Erin greeted her father when she walked in through the back doors.

"Morning, sweetheart," Frank replied, giving his daughter's head a gentle kiss.

"Coffee?" He asked Erin, pouring himself a cup of coffee.

"Yeah, sure," stated Erin, leaning against the kitchen unit.

"Is Jamie up already?" She asked her father.

"Not yet, he had a rough night, so I let him sleep in a bit," the commissioner uttered sadly.

"Oh, no," replied Erin sorrowfully.

"I will go and wake him up," her father stated.

"No, dad, it's okay, I can go myself!" Erin insisted, seeing how tired her father looked. She knew Jamie wasn't the only one who had a rough night, for the same could be said for their father.

"Alright, honey," her father agreed, taking a sip of coffee. "I will make him breakfast in the meantime." He added, giving Erin a thankful smile. "Have you eaten already?" He asked his daughter.

"Yes, I did." She replied, giving her father a small grin.

Erin was about to leave the kitchen when she heard her father's words.

"Erin, thank you, for going to the hospital with Jamie today!" Frank told his daughter. He was glad that his other children took turns accompanying Jamie to the hospital, so he wouldn't have to go alone. Not that Frank would let him anyway.

"Dad, it's ok! I'm happy to help!" Erin stated, giving her father a reassuring smile.

"Sweetheart, just keep in mind, I can be there with him… if anything, just call me or text me!" Her father urged her.

"Dad, don't worry, we will be OK!" Erin insisted.

"I just wish, Jamie would let me come with him," Frank sighed heavily.

"Dad, seriously, it's okay! We got it covered this week. I'm coming with Jamie to the hospital today, gramps will go with him tomorrow. Linda has a day off on Thursday, so she offered to be there with Jamie and Danny will keep him company on Friday." She counted out. "See, everything is already arranged," she stressed out again.

"I know, I just wish there was more I could do!" Frank pointed out, worried for his youngest child.

"Dad, I think we all know, how busy you are being the commissioner." She stressed out. "Besides, you take care of Jamie during the night...You can't do everything!" She told her father.

"You're right, Erin, but that's my son we're talking about!" Frank emphasized. He wished nothing but to be there for Jamie.

"Dad, I think you will have to accept that he doesn't want you to come with him for now." She sighed, looking at her father with sympathy. "I know it's twisted logic, but I think Jamie kind of wants to protect you." She uttered in a low voice.

"Erin, he is my child! I should be protecting him!" Frank told her.

"I know, but the thing is, we all know how hard this must be for you," she uttered sadly, giving her father an understanding look.

"He is just like his mother!" Frank said, frustrated. "I just wish he let me be there for him," he added sadly.

"He knows you are here for him! Just try not to worry too much!" She urged her father.

"My youngest child has got cancer, how can I not worry?" He asked her with his eyebrows raised.

"You know what I mean," Erin stated towards her father apologetically.

*****BB*****

Erin was sat next to Jamie, trying to read some files, while they waited for his chemotherapy to be over. Jamie was trying to rest. His eyes were closed, although he wasn't sleeping.

"Listen to this one," Erin stated, trying to get her brother's attention. "Guy beats up his wife causing her concussion and he wants to cut a deal with my office, that's just surreal," she stated irritated.

"There are some bad people out there," Jamie just sight heavily. "I hope you won't cut the deal with him," he asked Erin, opening his eyes to look at her.

"I don't want to, but according to his lawyer he has got information about some influential wise guys." She explained, avoiding Jamie's look.

"Great, that's what we need, another criminal returned to the streets," Jamie stated bitterly.

"Jamie, we both know it's not that easy. You got to see the bigger picture," Erin argued her point of view.

"What bigger picture, Erin?" He asked not really believing his ears. "That one day he might end up actually killing his wife?" He questioned. "I cannot reconcile with that!" Jamie stated firmly.

"I'm sorry, Jamie, I didn't mean it!" Erin apologized quickly. She didn't want to fight with her brother, especially given the circumstances.

"Yeah, I know you didn't," Jamie replied, giving Erin a weak smile. They both knew there was no point arguing about it, for they both had quite different worries right now.

"How do you feel, Jamie?" She wanted to know, looking at her brother.

"Well, I'm a bit tired, but I guess that's normal," he shrugs his shoulders. "Although, I might need you to call the nurse to hook me off the IV," he informed his sister. "I need to go to the toilet," he added, looking around the room, searching for a nurse.

"Jamie, are you sick?" Erin asked worriedly.

"No, I just need to pee," he told his sister. The whole thing was just so annoying. He even couldn't go to the toilet when he liked, without actually asking someone to help him.

"Ok, hang on a sec, I'll call someone."

Erin ran hastily away, looking for a nurse. She came back shortly with a young-looking nurse.

"There you go," the nurse stated with a smile on her lips. "If you need anything else, just call me,'" she then added, running away to attend another patient.

It was a second. Erin just looked after the nurse, who rushed away, so she did not see Jamie standing up swiftly. The fast movement made his head spin and Jamie came down to the ground so unfortunately that his head hit the armchair he was settled in before.

"Jamie!" Erin cried out, leaning over to Jamie who was now on the ground.

"I'm Ok, Erin," he tried to assure his sister, but the blood streaming from the cut on his forehead said otherwise.

The commotion caught the attention of the nurse who hastily came back. She quickly checked Jamie, before she stated: "This might need few stitches." She and Erin helped Jamie to stand up then, walking slowly towards the ER to get his forehead stitched.

*****BB*****

"Evening, pop," Frank called his father, when he entered the front door, taking his coat off.

"Good evening, Francis," Henry greeted his son, following his voice into the hallway.

"How is Jamie?" Frank wanted to know immediately.

"He isn't here yet. Erin called some time ago, saying there was some kind of delay," Henry informed his son.

"What kind of delay?" Frank wanted to know.

But Henry just shrugs his shoulders. "She didn't say," he stated.

Frank looked at his watch. It was already six in the evening. Jamie's chemotherapy was starting earlier today, they should have been home by now. Fear started to build inside of him. He didn't like this, something was off.

But as he started to go over various scenarios what could have caught them late, the door behind him opened and Erin and Jamie walked in.

"Evening grams, dad," Erin greeted both men when she noticed her father and grandfather standing in the hallway.

"Good evening, sweetheart, what kept you so long?" Her father asked.

"Hi!" Said Jamie with his head low, however, he couldn't escape his father's eagle look anyway.

"Jamie, what happened?" Frank exclaimed in a shock, for Jamie's head was partly covered in bandages.

"Uhh, I felt dizzy and I kind of fainted...hit my head...," Jamie explained to his father and grandfather.

"Erin! I thought you were supposed to watch after him!" Their father uttered, giving Erin an accusing look.

"Now, wait a minute, dad, it happened so quickly, there was nothing I could do!" Erin tried to defend herself.

"Dad, it wasn't anyone's fault, it just happened...," Jamie tried to explain the whole thing to his father.

"It's just a cut, dad," Erin informed her father. "He needed a few stitches, but other than that, he is ok. He doesn't have a concussion or anything," she added, trying to calm her father down.

"Thank God!" Said Henry, trying to absorb the shock.

"Jamie, you alright, son?" Frank asked his son deeply concerned.

"I'm just dizzy and tired, but other than that, I'm Ok," Jamie replied, taking his coat off. His father already prepared to assist him.

"Ok, why don't you just have some dinner and go rest afterward?" Frank suggested to Jamie.

"I'm not really hungry," Jamie mumbled but was instantly interrupted by his father.

"Jamie, you have to eat, son! I know you don't have a taste or you don't even feel hungry, but that's the chemo behind it." He explained, carefully leading Jamie to the kitchen, leaving Erin and Henry behind.

"He isn't going to forgive me anytime soon, is he?" Erin asked bitterly.

"Come on, Erin, he just got scared, he doesn't really blame you!" Henry told his granddaughter giving her head a gentle kiss. "He knows you take great care of your brother!" Henry added while the two of them followed Frank and Jamie to the kitchen.


	7. Chapter 7

On Wednesday, it was Henry's turn to come with Jamie to the hospital. He was glad he could fill in for his son, for Frank was already busy enough with his duties as the commissioner. However, Henry knew more than well, that his son would drop everything immediately if only Jamie said a single word. But his grandson was putting on a brave face and therefore he was reluctant to ask his father to come with him. He wanted to prove his father, that he could be as strong as he was. But Henry knew his grandson just too well, as did the commissioner. He knew that even though his grandson was trying his best, deep inside he was scared and he needed someone to be there for him. Hence, Henry was glad it could be him to be there with Jamie today, so his grandson wouldn't be alone.

"Listen to this one, Jamie," Henry tried to get his grandson's attention, as he was filling in the crossword he brought to the hospital with him. "Elizabeth Taylor's second husband's name," he asked. "Seven letters." He added.

"Sorry, gramps, I know only Richard Burton," Jamie shrug his shoulders. He himself never was much of a crosswords type, but right now he was glad his grandfather was trying to keep him distracted.

"Well, she did marry Burton for two times, but that's not him!" Henry shook his head. "She married Conrad Hilton first, but the marriage didn't last more than a year. She also married Mike Todd and Eddie Fisher at some point, but these marriages didn't last either." He counted out, as he tried to remember the name of her second husband.

"I never realized you were so into social life, gramps," Jamie made fun of his grandfather.

"I never was, indeed, but your grandmother used to read all that stuff," Henry explained. "Besides, Elizabeth Taylor was always a hottie," he stressed, raising his finger.

"Gramps," Jamie just burst into laughter. "Aren't you bit old for that?" He teased his grandfather.

"To appreciate a beautiful woman?" Henry asked his grandson seriously, raising an eyebrow. "Never!" He stated firmly.

"Jamie, I always loved your grandmother, deeply, but remember this, man is never too old for love!" He pointed out. "Sometimes, I wish your father followed this rule," he sighed heavily.

"You are right, gramps! I think, we all do." Jamie told his grandfather. "But I guess, dad just loved mum too much," he added sadly, thinking about his late mother.

"Indeed, he did," Henry nodded his head in agreement. "They spent together more than thirty years," Henry stated, remembering his late daughter-in-law. "Jamie, your mum was a real treasure, there is no doubt about that, but I hate to see your father alone, not having anyone he could share his troubles with," he sighed.

"Come on, gramps, dad would say that's what he has Garrett for," Jamie joked.

"You are right," Henry just smirked. "But I would still like to see him with some decent woman by his side," he uttered then.

"A decent woman?" Jamie repeated his grandfather's words, not sure what Henry imagined under this definition. He remembered his father was seeing the reporter Kelly Davidson some time ago. However, he doubted he was seeing her anymore. Besides, he wasn't sure if Henry would approve her anyway.

"Wilding!" Henry exclaimed suddenly, delighted.

"What?" Jamie asked his grandfather confused.

"Elizabeth Taylor's second husband. Michael Wilding!" Henry announced to Jamie, filling the letters into his crossword.

"Amazing memory, gramps," Jamie complimented Henry.

"That's why I like to solve crosswords, so I don't get an Alzheimer." Henry pointed out.

"I see," Jamie gave his grandfather a grin. He then looked at the IV bag. It was half empty now, so it meant they still had about two and half to three hours ahead. He just sighed heavily, wishing he could be home already. He wasn't feeling so bad today, but the waiting was killing him. He stirred, trying to sit more comfortably, arranging the pillow, Henry brought for him, behind his back.

"Everything alright, Jamie?" His grandfather wanted to know.

"Yeah," Jamie replied. "I just wish, I knew how to sit, for my back hurts," he complained to Henry.

Henry just stood up, taking the pillow from behind Jamie's back. "Let me just adjust the pillow for you," he stated, pounding the pillow. He then placed the pillow back behind Jamie's back.

"Better?" He asked his grandson.

"Yeah," Jamie uttered. "Thanks!"

"You welcome," Henry gave Jamie a tender smile.

"Here, drink something," he told his grandson, handing him a bottle of fresh juice he brought for him.

"I'm not really thirsty, gramps," Jamie told his grandfather.

"Jamie, it's important for you to stay hydrated, so your kidneys don't start to fail!" Henry stressed. This was something Frank kept stressing to all of them. To make sure Jamie drinks enough because there was a risk of kidney failure accompanying the chemotherapy.

"Ok," Jamie mumbled, taking the juice reluctantly. He really didn't want to drink it, because to him it tasted like metal, but he took a few sips to make his grandfather happy.

"So, how do you feel?" Henry wanted to know.

"I'm ok," Jamie uttered the truth.

"You look better than the other day," Henry replied satisfied, stroking Jamie's hair.

"Gramps, I'm not a child anymore," Jamie protested. He didn't like to be fussed over, especially publicly.

"You can say that to whoever you want, but you will always be a child to us," Henry smirked at him.

"Great," escaped Jamie's lips. "Is it not enough that dad and Erin mother hen me all the time, now you have to fuss over me too?" He asked his grandfather. "I expected more from you, gramps," he told Henry seriously.

"Jamie, I understand you," Henry uttered. "I do, but you have a cancer. Of course, we are going to fuss over you," he sighed heavily.

"We want what's best for you!" He added then.

"I know that, gramps," Jamie replied, giving his grandfather a week smile. "It's just, I want to feel normal again," he complained. He really missed being Jamie the beat cop, not Jamie the oncology patient.

As if Henry could read his thoughts, he suggested: "What would you say if we stopped by at the 12th on the way back home," he suggested to Jamie.

Jamie could not believe his own ears. "You would really do that for me?" He asked his grandfather, not able to believe his own luck.

"Of course, I would," Henry gave him a smirk. "You are my favorite grandchild," he stated, giving Jamie a loving look.

"Thanks, gramps!" Jamie stated cheerfully, suddenly the rest of the treatment wasn't covered in a dark cloud of misfortune, because he had something to look forward to.

"You welcome," his grandfather uttered. "But, please, finish your juice," he asked his grandson, giving Jamie a tender smile. He was happy that there was something he could have done to make Jamie's mood better.

*****BB*****

At the precinct everyone was eager to see Jamie, especially his training officer Anthony Renzulli, who came over to Jamie, giving his shoulder a tight squeeze.

"So, how are you, kid?" He asked his younger partner.

"I'm ok, sarge," Jamie replied.

"That's good to hear, kid," Renzulli uttered. Although Jamie looked bit paler than usual, he still looked quite ok. At least he still had his hair. Renzulli thought for himself.

"So, what do you think, you up for walking a beat with me tonight?" He made fun of the youngest Reagan.

"I'm afraid, it will take some time before Jamie can return to active duty," Henry told Jamie's training officer.

"Of course, commissioner," Renzulli replied hastily.

"Please, it's Henry," he told Renzulli. "The commissioner is my son now," he added, giving Renzulli a smile.

"So, how is he really?" Renzulli asked the former commissioner when Jamie walked away to say hi to his other friends.

"Well, he has got better and worse days," Henry replied honestly. "Today, it's a better day," he told Renzulli the truth.

"I see," Renzulli replied carefully, looking worriedly after Jamie. "But he will be ok, right?" He asked Henry, looking for reassurance. He really liked the kid and therefore he would hate if anything happened to him.

"The survival rates for his kind of cancer are pretty good," the former chief of police informed him.

"It still must be hard for all of you," Renzulli uttered, not daring to ask how the actual commissioner was handling it because Renzulli could only imagine how hard it must have been for Jamie's father.

"We are trying," Henry assured Renzulli, giving him a weak smile.

"Anyway, we should be going or my son will launch an investigation," he smirked, saying his goodbyes to Renzulli.

*****BB*****

When Jamie and Henry walked into the house, they were instantly greeted by the obviously nervous commissioner, who was eagerly looking for them ever since he came home earlier that evening. He was surprised not to find anyone at home when he came back from work. He tried to call his father's cell phone, but it went directly to the mailbox. He found Jamie's cell phone at the night stall next to his bed. He then tried calling Danny and Erin, whether they have heard about Henry and Jamie, but neither one of them knew anything. The commissioner was nervously pacing there and back in the living room, resisting the urge to call his assistant to track his father's cell phone, when he finally heard the door open.

"Where have you been? I was worried sick something happened to you!" He told his father and Jamie, looking for an explanation.

"I'm sorry, Francis, it's my fault. I took Jamie to his precinct, so he could visit his sarge and his friends." Henry explained, taking his coat off.

"You did what?" The commissioner asked shocked. "Pops, you do realize Jamie's immune system is now compromised, don't you?" He asked his father, not really understanding how his father could put Jamie at such a risk.

"Dad, it's ok," Jamie started. "I wanted to go," he told his father.

"Jamie, I would have expected from you to have more sense than your grandfather!" Frank told his son off.

"Dad, I'm feeling ok!" Jamie emphasized.

"Jamie, haven't you heard the doctor?" The commissioner asked his son, not believing his father and his son could act so recklessly.

"Of course, I did," Jamie tried to defend himself.

"Then, let me remind you, that even a simple cold could mean a threat to you!" Frank stated sharply.

"Dad, it was a good thing to get out of the house and the hospital for a while," Jamie pointed out. His previous joy was now replaced with a disappointment.

"I'm going to my room now," he informed his father and grandfather, leaving the room.

"Francis, he needs to get out from time to time," Henry stressed. "You can't mother hen him the whole time," he tried to explain his point of view to his son.

"Pops, Jamie has got cancer!" Frank told his father. "And thanks to the chemotherapy he practically doesn't have any immune system, do you realize how easily he could get infected by any virus," he asked his father.

"I do, Francis. But he can get infected from us too because we still go out and meet other people," Henry pointed out.

"But it's different if he meets just with us, or if you take him to the whole precinct!" The commissioner raised his voice. "Do you have any idea how many bacilli are there?" He asked his father then.

He had to take a deep breath to calm himself down. He realized he was being harsh on his father and therefore he uttered: "I could not survive if anything happened to him, pops!" Tears glittering in his eyes.

"Francis, he also needs a will to live!" Henry stressed towards his son. "I know you worry about Jamie, we all do, but he needs to remember there is another life apart from this house and the hospital and that this life is waiting for him once he recovers," Henry told Frank, squeezing his son's shoulder.

"Maybe, you should go and talk to Jamie," Henry suggested after a while.

"I should," his son just sighed heavily.

The commissioner then walked upstairs to see his son.

He knocked on the door to his son's room, wanting to talk to him, although he wasn't sure whether Jamie would want to talk to him.

"Jamie, it's me," he uttered softly. "Can I come in?" He asked, waiting for an answer.

Jamie hesitated for a moment, but then he opened the door.

"What do you want, dad?" He asked his father.

The commissioner could see the sadness clearly written in his son's face.

"I just came to apologize," he stated. "I didn't mean to tell you off, it's just, I'm worried about you." He said, looking lovingly at his youngest son.

"Jamie, I understand that you want to have a life outside of this house, I do. But understand my concern…," the commissioner had to pause, for he could feel his voice breaking. "I could not survive losing you!" He told his son the truth.

"I know, dad," Jamie told his father, giving him a warm hug."But you need to understand, it's not easy being locked in this house," he said sadly, looking into his father's eyes.

"I know, son," his father replied. "But Jamie, your immune system is now weakened by the chemotherapy and therefore you have to be careful," he urged his son, gently stroking his hair.

"I know, dad, and I'm sorry," Jamie whispered into his father's shoulder as he leaned his head against his father's chest.

"I love you, dad," he added after a while.

"I love you too, son," Frank replied, planting a kiss into Jamie's hair.

**AN:**

**My favorite charter **


	8. Chapter 8

"Babe, thank you for coming with Jamie today," Danny told his wife as he planted a kiss into her blond hair.

"Honey, I told you already, it's not a big deal! I'm glad I can help," she replied, looking lovingly into her husband's eyes. She knew how much Danny worried about his younger brother and therefore she was happy she could help.

"I know, but still, it means a lot to me that you can be there with him today," he sighed heavily, giving his wife a thankful smile. If it could be his way, he would have accompanied Jamie to the hospital the whole time, but he knew that wasn't possible, for he still had his daily job which required his attention too.

"Danny, seriously, Jamie is like a brother to me!" Linda emphasized. "I'm more than happy I can be there for him!" She added, not letting her eyes off her husband.

"Alright," Danny mumbled. "But call me if anything!" He stressed, unconsciously rubbing his forehead. He used to do that whenever he was worried or stressed.

"We will be okay, Danny, seriously!" His wife pointed out, giving her husband a gentle kiss.

"I know, it's just, he is my kid brother, you know...," Danny sighed heavily.

"I know," Linda uttered, stroking her husband's hair, trying to calm him down. "Danny, I know how much you worry about Jamie, I do. But you have to keep telling yourself, that he will be okay!" She stressed.

"Of course, you are right, Linda," Danny replied tiredly. "But what if he won't," he asked suddenly, not able to escape the feeling of doubt because there still was a chance that his brother won't be ok, even if it was a slight one.

"Danny, stop it! You have to stop torturing yourself over this!" His wife told him. "You heard the doctors. The survival rates for this kind of cancer are pretty good! Plus, they caught it relatively early." She pointed out, trying to calm her husband down.

"But he still needs to go through the whole chemotherapy," Danny just uttered sadly. "I mean, you should have seen him on Monday. God, he was as pale as the walls," Danny stated, shaking his head. He would rather forget this picture of his brother, but he was sure, he won't be able to escape this memory any time soon.

"Danny, he will be okay!" Linda emphasized again. "But you need to be strong for him now!" Linda reminded her husband.

In front of the whole family, Danny tried to pretend to be the tough one, so his beloved family members could lean on him. He knew well how much not only his brother but also his sister and father needed him right now. But in private Danny also needed someone he could lean on. Someone he could share his worries with. And there was no one more suitable for the job than Linda. And Danny was aware of the fact that he could not go through this if he didn't have the best partner he could have, his wife.

*****BB*****

Linda checked the fluid regulation on Jamie's IV again. She knew the flow of fluids needed to be administered regularly because, without it, the rate of fluid administration would rely only on gravity alone. This could further result in Jamie receiving either too much or too little fluid.

She could see the painful expression in her brother-in-law's eyes. She gently stroked Jamie's hair as she leaned down to Jamie. "It's okay, honey," she whispered into his ear so no one else could hear them.

"I know, I'm just sick," Jamie mumbled. Although yesterday he was feeling quite okay, however, this couldn't be said for today.

He took a deep breath, trying to calm his upset stomach down.

Linda could see Jamie was not feeling well and therefore she took a picture Sean and Jack painted for their uncle out of her handbag, trying to distract Jamie with it.

"Look, Jamie, Sean, and Jack wanted me to give you this," she told Jamie, handing him the picture.

Jamie took the picture from Linda's hands and looked at it. In the picture, he could see him in the middle with the whole family around him. He was touched by his nephews' affection.

"Get well soon, uncle Jamie," he read aloud. "That's so sweet of them," he said giving Linda a thankful smile. "I will have to thank them later," he stated, looking back at the picture.

"They wanted to do something nice for you," Lind told Jamie softly, giving her brother-in-law a loving smile.

"It's nice of them," Jamie replied. He loved his niece and his nephews so much. He only wished he could be healthy again, so he could play football or baseball with them in the park soon.

"Jamie, honey, you should drink something," Linda told her brother-in-law after a while.

"I know," said Jamie, looking Linda into her eyes. "The only problem is, I'm not sure I can keep anything down right now." He stated the truth, for he was fighting an actual urgency to vomit.

"Here, drink this," she stated handing him a thermo flask from her handbag.

"What is it?" Jamie asked, looking at the bottle distrustfully.

"It's just a cold black tea," Linda assured her brother-in-law. "It's great for an upset stomach," she pointed out.

"You came prepared," Jamie told her, giving her a thankful smile, as he opened the bottle, taking small sips, for he didn't trust his stomach right now.

"Jamie, I'm a nurse," she reminded him. "Plus, I'm a mother too," she added, giving him a loving look.

"Everything changes once you have your children," she told him thoughtfully, gently stroking his hair.

"Yeah, everyone keeps telling me that." Jamie gave her a smirk.

"Because it's true." She smiled at him. "You should have seen Danny when Jack was born," she uttered, remembering her husband holding his newborn son in his loving arms for the first time.

"I mean, Danny was always a kind of a tough guy, you know," she said towards her brother-in-law. "But once he took Jack into his arms for the first time everything changed," she explained, giving Jamie a warm smile. "His whole life has been turned upside down," she laughed gently.

"Just wait till you have your children," she added then, giving Jamie a tender smile. She knew Jamie would be a great father one day when the time comes.

"Yeah…," Jamie just uttered, not sure what he should reply.

"Jamie, I know, that right now the world doesn't seem to be all shiny and happy for you, but I want you to know, that you will get through this and then everything will be alright again." She stressed, trying to lift Jamie's spirit a bit, although she knew it wasn't an easy task because when someone is not feeling well, everything seems to be covered by a dark cloud to him.

"Thank you for that," Jamie thanked his sister-in-law for her kind words.

She leaned over to Jamie again and pressed a gentle kiss into his hair.

"You don't have to thank me, Jamie," she whispered into her brother-in-law's ear as she held him close to her chest.

He had to be ok! She thought for herself. Because, honestly, she wasn't sure if they could survive if he wasn't.

*****BB*****

"So, how was he today?" Asked Danny the minute he got home from his work.

"He was okay," Linda uttered. "Although, he was fighting nausea most of the time," she informed her husband briefly.

"Poor kid," Danny stated as he was taking his coat off.

"Yeah," Linda just sighed.

"I thought they should be giving him some medication to help him with nausea," Danny asked his wife after a while.

"Of course, they are." She replied. "They are giving him some anti-emetics, but the thing is these meds work on a different basis. Some of them target the vomiting center in your brain, while the others work rather as rescue therapy if the initial nausea medicine doesn't work. They might need to try a few different types before they find out what works best for Jamie," she explained patiently to her husband.

"I see," Danny just sighed heavily, embracing his wife into his arms. "I just wish, there was something we could do for him," he whispered into her ear as he held her closer to him.

"You can do something for him, by simply being there for him," she uttered, as she gently stroke her husband's hair. This was her way how she was telling him that everything will be alright.

"I know," Danny sighed again. "But, Linda, this is my baby brother we are talking about," he told her.

Linda just gave him a gentle smile. It was touching how much her husband cared for his younger brother.

"Danny, sometimes I'm not sure whether you see Jamie rather as your brother or your third child," she told her husband amused.

"Ha, ha. Very funny," Danny told her, not amused by her words. "I can only imagine how hard this must be for dad," he uttered seriously.

"I mean, I would be worried sick if the boys were diagnosed with something like this," he told her the truth.

"I can only imagine what Frank is going through right now," Linda replied. "Especially with your mum dying from cancer," she added.

"I think, he's living every parent's nightmare," Danny stated sadly, not only worried for his brother, but also his father.

"Hey, we can't think like that," Linda reminded her husband after a while, trying to cheer him up a bit. "I mean, Jamie will recover!" She stressed, giving her husband another warm hug. "Besides, I don't want Sean and Jack to think otherwise," she told her husband, as she released herself from his grasp. "You know, kids can be very sensitive to any kind of disturbance in their lives. We need to at least try to stay optimistic in front of them! Besides, there is no reason why Jamie should not recover!" She stated seriously.

"I know, babe," Danny nodded his head. "It's just, I can't help myself but wonder, why Jamie?" He asked his wife. "I mean, from all the people, why would God let Jamie get cancer?" Danny wanted to know.

"Danny, you can't blame God for making Jamie sick!" Linda stressed to her husband.

"Oh, really? Can't I? So, how would you explain that Jamie got cancer and I didn't?" He asked his wife, unconsciously raising his voice.

"Oh, Danny," Linda just sighed heavily. "Do you blame yourself for that," she asked her husband concerned.

But Danny could not reply to her questions, because he was desperately trying to chase away the tears which were now glittering in his eyes.

"Linda, he is my baby brother, and if you ask me if I would have switched places with him if I only could, then I wouldn't hesitate for a second," he replied honestly.

Linda just approached her husband and took him into her loving arms again.

"He will be okay, Danny!" She stressed, planting a kiss into her husband's hair.


	9. Chapter 9

Three weeks after his first round of chemo, Jamie's hair started to fall out. First, it was only a few hairs, but later it became more and more. Jamie always knew there was a chance his hair might start to fall out, but he couldn't imagine it until it happened. When he pulled first few hairs out, it scared the crap out of him. Not only did he feel sick most of the time lately, but he also began to start to look sick. Truth to be told, this illness wasn't just hard on him physically, but also emotionally. He was now standing in front of the mirror in the bathroom, looking at his reflection as he was pulling more and more hairs out.

"I think, it would be better if we shaved your head," Danny suggested carefully, while he watched his little brother pulling puffs of hair from his otherwise beautiful brown hair. Danny had to try hard to hide the tears which were now glittering in his own eyes in front of his younger brother. He found out Jamie's hair started to fall out already a few days back when he was stroking his brother's hair and he accidentally pulled out a whole puff of his hair, but he could see there was more hair coming out now.

Jamie just nodded his head, tears filling his eyes. _This wasn't a good sign_. He thought for himself.

"Hey, it's okay!" Danny tried to encourage his little brother, giving him an encouraging smile, but deep inside he had real troubles coping himself.

With a heavy heart, Danny took his father's hair clipper out of the washstand and started to carefully shave his brother's head. As Jamie's hair started to fall to the sink, his eyes filled with more and more tears. It was painful for Danny to see his brother going through something like this, but when Jamie was diagnosed with cancer, Danny promised himself that he will try his best to make the whole process as bearable as possible for Jamie. That's also why he tried really hard to joke around, although he didn't feel like laughing right now.

"See, now you can pretend to be Master Yoda," he joked, but his words only made Jamie cry even more.

"Come on, Jamie, I always thought Yoda was your favorite Star Wars' character," Danny added, not willing to admit defeat just yet.

But there were no words which could soothe Jamie right now and that was also why their father, who heard the whole conversation from the hallway, walked in right now, tears glittering in his own eyes. The commissioner embraced his youngest son into his loving arms whispering to his ear: "It's alright, son, they will grow back," gently stroking his now bold head, but Jamie was pretty much distressed.

"I just don't understand it, dad," replied Jamie, tears streaming down his face. "Why me?" He asked his father desperately, leaning his head against his father's chest.

"Oh, son, I wish I had an answer, but I don't." The commissioner sighed heavily. "It's just one of the tests God is putting you through." Jamie's father answered, trying to comfort his child the best he could.

"What kind of God is that, dad?" Jamie asked his father in disbelief.

"Shh...," was all Frank said to his son, for he couldn't understand right now what kind of God would take his wife and his middle son away from him and would put his youngest child through such a terrible illness. Frank Reagan was always a man of faith, but right now he was losing his religion.

"Jamie," Danny tried to get his brother's attention. "I know it sucks right now, but you will beat this illness!" Danny pointed out, not willing to admit any other option.

"Danny's right, Jamie," his father added, holding his child closer to him. "We will get through this, together, as a family!" He stressed to Jamie, giving him an encouraging smile. _You can't take away my youngest son!_ He thought for himself, not sure whether he was talking to God or himself. _I won't let you!_

Hearing his brother's and father's encouraging words, Jamie calmed himself a little bit down, wiping away the tears from his eyes.

"I'm sorry, I didn't want to cause such a fuss," Jamie said, breathing heavily. "It's just...," he didn't finish the sentence, looking from his father to his brother, trying to find the right words. "It's just, I liked my hair, you know," he stated in the end.

Both men just laughed. Frank embraced his child closer to him and planted a kiss on his bald head. "You don't have to apologize, son," he whispered to Jamie.

"Yeah, I can understand that you had a nice hair," Danny joked, stroking lovingly his brother's bold head. _Although, there was nothing funny about the whole situation._ He thought for himself.

*****BB*****

After the heartbreaking hair shaving episode, Frank managed to convince Jamie to get some rest. He was now talking to Danny downstairs as he poured themselves a glass of Scotch, for they were both finding it bit hard to adjust to the new situation.

"Thank you, Danny, for helping your brother today," the commissioner told his oldest son as he sipped from his glass. "It's not easy for him," Frank added, looking blankly into space. He was now rubbing his forehead tiredly, not able to get his mind off his youngest son and his illness, although he knew there wasn't much he could do to help him right now. The only thing he could do was to be there for him and that wasn't just good enough for the commissioner, because as any parent he wanted his child to be healthy and happy again.

"I guess, it's not easy for anyone," Danny shrugged his shoulders, taking a sip before he continued. "By the way, how are you holding up?" He asked his father, looking directly into his Frank's worried eyes.

"I'm trying my best for your brother," Frank stated sadly. "But, you know, as you said, it's not easy," he admitted honestly. He was now mindlessly playing with the glass in his hands.

Danny just nodded his head in a quiet understanding.

"You see, when your mother died, I thought it was the worst thing that ever happened to me," his father just uttered heavily. "But then, when Joe was shot…," the commissioner had to make a pause here, taking a deep breath. "That became the worst thing that ever happened to me." He told his son after a while. "And now, seeing my youngest child, my baby, so sick, fearing for his bare life every day, not able to help him...," his voice started to break and Danny could see his eyes were glittering with tears.

Danny grasped his father's hand firmly, looking right into his eyes: "He will be OK, dad!" He stated, trying to assure his father.

"I know, Danny," his father replied. "That's what I keep telling myself, but that's also what I was telling myself when your mother was diagnosed with cancer," he sighed heavily.

"This is different, dad," Danny tried to encourage his father. "He will be OK!" He stated firmly, not sure whether he was trying to assure his father or himself. _Jamie had to be ok_. Danny thought for himself because he wasn't sure if he could survive if he wasn't. And seeing his father like that, he was pretty sure, his father wouldn't survive it either.

The two men then continued the rest of their drinks quietly.


	10. Chapter 10

Jamie hasn't been feeling well lately. That could have been said for the last three months of his treatment, but today he wasn't feeling particularly well. He never felt so bad in his whole life. He has been vomiting the whole day. His last round of chemo ended the day before. He wasn't just sick, but he was also extremely weak, not able to get up from his bed without anyone's else help. His grandfather tried to get some food inside of his withdrawn stomach but without any bigger success for Jamie's exhausted body just wasn't able to keep anything down. He also lost a significant amount of weight, causing his father to worry twice as much as he did before. This wasn't just hard on Jamie, but also everyone else around him, especially his father. Frank tried to spend as much time with his son as he could. Fortunately, he could trust Garrett with his own life and therefore it wasn't hard for the commissioner to trust his old friend with work-related matters. But today Frank Reagan was especially worried about his son, for he has never seen Jamie in such a condition. He was just so sick and weak. He was also shaking the whole time, even though his father brought him a second blanket and tucked him in it. It reminded Frank of Mary when she was dealing with cancer herself. The similarity between his late wife and his son frightened the commissioner because Mary was so sick right before she died. Frank swallowed hard. He was now stretched next to his son, holding his child in his loving arms, trying to soothe Jamie down. It was already after ten a clock in the evening when Frank decided it would be best if he took Jamie into his bedroom, for he was hoping Jamie could ease up a bit by his side. The commissioner hoped Jamie could get at least bit of sleep there because he hasn't slept much last couple of nights. The doctors, of course, prescribed Jamie some pain meds, meds for nausea and even the sleeping pills, but they didn't seem to help much lately, for Jamie was in a significant amount of pain and he was constantly fighting nausea.

The commissioner was now gently rubbing his son's shivering back. It was terrible for him to see his son, his baby, in such a state.

"Shh, it's okay Jamie, I'm here with you," Frank told his son softly, tears glittering in his eyes. Jamie just threw up again a few minutes ago and he was feeling just awful, his forehead beaded with cold sweat.

"Dad, I have never felt so bad in my entire life," Jamie complained weakly to his father. Frank's heart was breaking into pieces.

"I'm so sorry, Jamie. I wish there was something I could do to help you." His father replied honestly.

Jamie just cuddled up closer to his father, resting his now bold head on Frank's chest.

"I wish I felt better already," Jamie sighed desperately. Even though he was laying his head was spinning and he felt like he might just throw again.

Frank noticed the painful expression in Jamie's eyes. "Jamie, just try to relax," Frank suggested, knowing well, that it wasn't an easy task for Jamie right now.

"I wish I could," Jamie complained a bit.

"Just give it a try," his father begged him, knowing that right now Jamie needed to get as much rest as he could get.

"Dad, will you tell me a story?" Jamie asked his father, planting his eyes on him.

"What kind of story would you like to hear, Jamie?" Frank asked, planting Jamie's bold head a kiss. He wasn't surprised by his son's wish, for Jamie was so weak lately that even holding a book was a difficult task for him. Therefore, his father and grandfather would read him aloud or just tell him a story, so Jamie would get distracted at least a bit.

"About how you met mum," Jamie replied tiredly.

Frank just gave his son a loving smile. "You never get tired of this one," he added, a smile spreading on his lips.

"Never, ever! It's my favorite," Jamie stated, closing his eyes, trying to rest a bit.

"Well, your mum was the most beautiful girl at my high school or at least that was what I thought. However, it took me a year before I found the courage to ask her out." Frank started his story.

"Come on, dad, I can't believe it, you being shy to ask a girl out?" Jamie teased his father a bit, but Frank was grateful for that because even though Jamie was sick and extremely weak, he still joked, he still had the will to live.

"Well, I guess, I must have passed it on you, because if I remember it correctly, you were almost shaking when you were asking Theresa Mancini out." Frank made a joke of his son.

"How do you know?" Jamie asked, opening his eyes to look at his father.

"Parents always know," Frank gave Jamie a knowing smirk.

"No, seriously, dad, how did you know?" Jamie urged.

"Well, your mother and I just saw the whole thing from the kitchen accidentally," Frank shrugged his shoulders.

"What? You two were spying on me? I can't believe it!" Jamie stated, not knowing what to think.

"No! We did not spy on you." Frank tried to defend himself. "We were just worried about you because you looked like you might just pass out," Frank told Jamie amused, remembering the event.

"This is just perfect," Jamie sighed heavily.

"Ok," the commissioner uttered. "But let me continue with my story. I was in the last year of high school when I was paired up with your mum in my chemistry class. The first class I was just kept staring at her, not able to believe my luck because to me she was a goddess." Frank laughed, remembering his late wife.

Jamie slightly shivered in Frank's arms. The commissioner looked down at his youngest son and found out, that Jamie felt asleep. Frank planted Jamie's head another kiss before he carefully took a book from the nightstand, trying not to make any noise so he wouldn't wake accidentally Jamie.

He was reading for about twenty minutes when he heard someone to open the door quietly.

Danny just tiptoed over to his father.

"Hey, dad, " Danny greeted the commissioner quietly, looking at his father who was still holding Jamie in his arms.

"So how is he?" Danny asked his father, whispering.

"Not good," his father just sighed worriedly. "Although, he at least fell asleep about twenty minutes ago." He added.

"He looks peaceful in your arms," Danny stated, gently brushing Jamie's cheek.

"What are you doing here, son?" Frank questioned, surprised by Danny's late arrival.

"I was working a case and Linda just called…, the boys have got cold, so they won't be coming tomorrow for the dinner, so they don't accidentally infect Jamie," Danny explained.

"That's thoughtful of her," Frank agreed, mindlessly stroking his son's bold head.

"And what about you?" He asked his oldest, looking up to Danny who was standing above him.

"I? I wasn't going to miss grandpa's roast," Danny gave his father a grin. "Besides, I wanted to see how my baby brother was doing." He stated seriously.

"So you are going to crash here?" Frank asked.

"If that's OK with you?" Danny announced his father.

"I wouldn't want it any other way," Frank replied, giving Danny a tender smile.

"Dad, I can spend the night with Jamie if you want, so you can get some rest," Danny suggested, seeing how tired his father looked.

"Thank you, Danny, but I would rather stay with him myself, besides I don't want to wake him up," he explained to his oldest, still stroking Jamie's bold head.

"Dad, he will be OK, right? " Danny asked his father, looking for assurance.

"I pray to God, son! I pray to God!" Frank replied, trying to encourage Danny, but deep inside he could not escape the worrying feeling he felt since the moment Jamie told him he had cancer.

*****BB*****

The night wasn't peaceful neither for Jamie nor for Frank. Jamie woke up during the night couple of times for he was sick. Frank nursed his youngest son the best he could, however, there was nothing he could have done to take nausea and pain away from Jamie. He could just be there with his son, holding him close to his chest and pray for him to get better soon. He hated being so helpless. It was already early morning when Jamie fell asleep again. Frank carefully got up and slipped out of the room to get himself a cup of coffee after the sleepless night. It did not surprise him to his father in the kitchen reading the newspapers when he entered.

"Morning, Francis!" Henry greeted his son.

"Morning, pop," Frank replied tiredly.

Henry just looked up from the newspapers.

"Sit down, I'll get you some coffee," he stated when he saw how tired his son looked.

"Thanks," Frank just replied gratefully, taking a seat.

"Tough night?" Henry asked, although he already knew the answer.

"More than you know," he just replied sadly.

"Francis, he will be alright!" Henry tried to encourage his son.

"I hope so, but we don't know that for sure," Frank stated worriedly. He suddenly did not remind the strict but fair commissioner, but rather a worried father.

"Morning dad, morning grandpa," Danny greeted his family when he entered the room.

"Coffee?" Henry asked his grandson, lifting the coffeepot.

"Please!" Danny begged for a bit of black liquid.

"I see that nobody slept well last night," Henry stated the obvious.

"You figured?" Danny gave his grandfather a grin. He then turned to his father: "How is Jamie?"

"He is sleeping now, he had a pretty rough night," He sighed, taking a sip of his coffee.

"How bad?" Asked Danny concerned.

"Pretty bad," his father replied, not wanting to comment it more.

"I better get started preparing the roast," Henry stated, opening the doors from the fridge.

"What? It's hardly seven in the morning," Danny pointed out, not understanding where was the fuss.

"Ha, then let me tell you, young man, good roast takes time to prepare," Henry told Danny, who just raised his eyebrows when his grandfather turned around. "Besides, we have to go to church before dinner." He pointed out.

"I won't be going today," Frank uttered. "I want to stay home with Jamie," he explained.

"That's understandable," his father nodded his head in agreement.

"Hang on, dad, why don't I stay with Jamie, so you can go and I will keep an eye on him for you," Danny suggested. "Besides, I don't have the mood to go to church right now," he added.

"And why is that?" Henry wanted to know.

"Come on, gramps, how can you not be pissed with God for what he is putting Jamie through?" He asked, anger radiating from him.

"God's always with us, Danny and that's why I'm going to go to the church and pray for your brother's recovery." Henry closed the discussion.

**TBC**

***BB***

**To my dear readers who are following my other stories (especially Losing Jamie), due to the death in my family, I'm currently not really able to write, and honestly, at the moment I don't know when I'll be able to write again (which I will don't worry!). I'm going through the usual stages of grief at the moment - denial, rejection, anger (I was really close to shouting at a woman at the drugstore who was speaking with her daughter over phone on loudspeaker about something really silly, which is not me at normal state... not my proudest moment...)… because I just lost someone who was dear to me and who liked me for who I was and who saw something in me that I don't see in myself, and I'm just starting to realize how much I'm going to miss that person in my life and it seems so unreal... It feels as if my world is crashing and falling apart and all I'm able to do is just breathe while I watch. But at the same time, I'm trying to find the inner strength to stand up with my head high and make something new and better from the remains of once was my life. Writing has always meant a world to me. And if there was one thing I wanted to do more than anything then it was to write, and that's why I'm sure I will be writing again, rather sooner than later. I just need to catch my breath and find my lost voice, because at the moment I'm questioning the meaning of my writings, but at the same time, I feel the time to write my original works is coming and through writing FF, I became certain that it will have to do with the family. So let me know if you were interested to read some of my original stories and does someone know where you can publish your original works? **

**Thank you all for sticking with me/ my stories and for your support you have shown me over the last two years through your reviews and messages :) **

**Love**


	11. Chapter 11

Danny just peaked into his father's room to see whether his younger brother needed anything. He found out Jamie was still sleeping. His father and grandfather left for the church a long time ago. It broke Danny's heart to see his baby brother in such a condition for Jamie was awfully thin and pale. Danny sat down next to his younger brother, gently rubbing Jamie's back.

Jamie slightly shivered under the covers.

"Danny," he mumbled sleepily, slowly opening his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Jamie, I didn't mean to wake you," Danny apologized to his brother hastily. He was pissed with himself that he accidentally woke Jamie up. "Go back to sleep," he suggested tenderly to his ill brother.

"No, it's ok," Jamie replied. "What time is it?" He asked confused, trying to sit up in his bed. However, this was causing him a lot of troubles for he has been terribly weak.

"Hang on," Danny told his brother, instantly rushing to help him.

"There you go, kid," he added when Jamie was set up.

"Thanks," Jamie mumbled. He didn't feel comfortable that he needed someone else's help just to sit down, however, he did realize he was in such a condition that he hardly could manage it on his own.

"It's already eleven, dad and grandpa should be home soon from the church," Danny informed his baby brother.

"Ah, I see," Jamie stated, looking tiredly. He originally wanted to ask Danny, what was he doing here, but then he realized his father probably didn't want to leave him alone.

"So, how are you, kid?" Danny wanted to know, looking concerned, gently brushing Jamie's bold head.

"I feel bit better than yesterday," Jamie just uttered weakly.

"Here, drink some tea or dad will kill me that I left you thirsty," Danny suggested, handing carefully Jamie a cup of tea. Danny realized his brother's hands were shaking and therefore he grasped his hands in his own, helping Jamie to bring the cup closer to his lips. Jamie took a few sips before he returned the cup to Danny.

"Good boy!" Danny gave Jamie a grin. "Now, what do you want me to get you for breakfast?" He asked then.

"I'm not really hungry," Jamie just mumbled tiredly, looking away from Danny's face.

Danny just sighed heavily.

"Kid, we have been over this million times, you have to eat!" Danny stressed to his brother. "I know that you may not feel hungry and I also know that the chemo makes everything taste weird, but you have to eat so you don't become malnourished!" He once again explained to Jamie, trying to talk some sense into him.

"I know," Jamie just sighed heavily.

"Good!" Danny stated. "I'm going to make you some scrambled eggs, so it won't be so heavy on your stomach," he added, giving his brother a soft smile.

"Ok," Jamie just sighed, closing his eyes again.

"Thanks, Danny!" He mumbled weakly.

"You don't have to thank me, kid," Danny replied, stroking his brother's cheek.

He then stood up, giving his brother one last concerned look and he then walked out of the room.

*****BB*****

"Uncle Danny," called Nikki as she walked into the kitchen using the back doors.

"Hey you, come here, give me a hug," Danny told his nice, embracing her little body in his big arms, planting a kiss on her head.

"Hey, Danny!" Erin greeted her brother, taking her coat off.

"Hey sis," Danny replied. "How are you?" He asked, looking at her.

"I'm Ok, just busy, you know." She shrugged her shoulders. "How is Jamie?" She asked hastily, knowing from her father that her younger brother wasn't feeling the best.

"He is a bit better now," Danny told Erin the truth. "You can go and see him if you want," he suggested to his sister.

"That's a good idea." She stated, longing to see her baby brother.

"Nikki, would you like to come with me?"Erin asked her daughter.

"Yes, I would," Nikki replied. She couldn't wait to see her favorite uncle.

"Just try not to exhaust Jamie too much!" Frank, who came to the kitchen in the meantime, warned them. "He is really weak." He stated, looking at the ground, thinking. "I doubt he will be joining us for today's dinner," the commissioner added sadly.

"Is it that bad?" Nikki asked worried, looking from her grandfather to her mother, wordlessly begging them to tell her otherwise.

"Come on, honey, let's go to see your uncle," her mum suggested, gently taking Nikki's hand, leading her daughter out of the room.

Erin opened the door to Jamie's room carefully and she peaked in. Her brother was now reading a magazine about cars, Danny brought him. _This was very thoughtful of Danny._ Erin thought for herself. Because compared to a book, the magazine wasn't that heavy for Jamie to hold it in his hands.

Although Jamie was extremely tired and weak, he lightened up when he saw his sister and niece.

"Hey, uncle Jamie," called Nikki as she ran to hug her uncle.

"Careful, Nikki!" Her mother called after her, worried that Nikki might accidentally hurt Jamie.

Nikki just stopped in her tracks. Suddenly, she didn't know what to do, because although she didn't want anything more but to hug her uncle, she was also worried she might hurt him accidentally.

"Come here," her uncle came to help, seeing her inner conflict. "You don't have to worry," he stated, pulling his arms to her.

Erin came over to Jamie only a few seconds later. She leaned over to her younger brother and gave his forehead a gentle kiss.

"How are you?" She asked, giving him an examining look.

"I'm still alive, you know," Jamie joked weakly.

"Jamie!" Erin told her brother off.

"I'm ok, Erin." He told his sister. "Seriously!" He added, seeing her doubtful glance.

"Well, dad was saying something different..." she uttered, not letting her inquiring eyes off her brother.

"But enough about me, how are you, young lady?" Jamie asked Nikki cheerfully.

"I'm Ok, mum allowed me to go to the party next Friday." She stated excited, looking from her uncle to her mother.

Jamie raised his eyebrows. "You, sis?" he asked, not believing what he just heard. "Seriously?"

"Yes, I did, but under one condition, that she will come back before 10 p.m," Erin stated strictly.

"You learned from your own experience?" Jamie gave Erin a smirk.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Jamison Reagan!" She protested, not wanting Nikki to know how rebellious she used to be when she was about her age.

"What do you mean, uncle Jamie?" Nikki asked curiously.

"Well, you should ask your mum, but there are some legendary stories about your mother and how she got..." Jamie started to tell Nikki, but he was interrupted by his protesting sister soon after.

"Jamie! Stop it! I beg you!" Erin urged her brother.

"And how she had to spend the night in custody because she got arrested," Frank, who just entered the room unobserved, uttered.

"Dad!" Erin exclaimed.

"I see you are having fun," Frank stated, giving his family a warm smile.

"On my account," Erin protested.

"Nikki, pops was wondering if you would be so kind and helped him in the kitchen," Frank told his only granddaughter.

"Of course, grandpa," she replied, giving her uncle one last loving embrace before she left the room.

"Thank you!" The commissioner called after her. He then walked over to Jamie, giving him an examining look.

"So, how do you feel?" He asked his son for he hasn't spoken to Jamie yet today.

"I'm okay, Dad," Jamie replied tiredly.

"You look bit better than yesterday," his father agreed, gently stroking his son's bold head. However, the commissioner still didn't like the way his youngest son looked.

"Have you eaten anything already?" Frank asked his son, sitting slowly at the edge of the bed.

"Yeah, Danny made me some scrambled eggs," Jamie informed his father.

"Did you eat it?" His father wanted to know.

"I managed to eat half of it," Jamie told his father the truth.

"Good," the commissioner uttered. Of course, he would prefer if Jamie finished the whole plate, but right now he had to be grateful even for that.

"Jamie, why don't you go back to sleep, you look tired, honey," Erin suggested to her brother, seeing how tired Jamie looked.

Her father was right when he warned them not to exhaust Jamie too much because now she could see that even a small distraction such as a visit from her and Nikki was exhausting for him.

"Yeah, I might just take a nap," Jamie agreed, laying down with his father's help.

"I will bring you the dinner when you wake up," his father told him, gently brushing his son's cheek.

"Thanks, Dad," Jamie mumbled tiredly.

Frank and Erin waited till Jamie fell asleep and then they left the room, letting Jamie get some very much needed sleep.

It was crystal clear to them that Jamie won't be able to join them for today's dinner.

*****BB*****

Danny, Erin, and Nikki have already left when Frank walked into his bedroom to check on Jamie. His son was sleeping in the bed, or at least that was what the commissioner thought. Frank sat down on the edge of the bed, gently stroking Jamie's head. He instantly felt like something hit him for Jamie's head was burning.

"Jamie," the commissioner tried to call his son's name, but Jamie didn't answer.

Frank could feel fear growing inside of him.

"Jamie!" the worried father called again, anxiety evident in his voice. He was gently slapping his son's cheeks, desperate to wake him up.

But there was still no reaction from Jamie.

Frank ran to the door to call his father, who was in the living room reading a book.

"Pops!" Frank called Henry with an urgency in his voice.

Henry was instantly on his feet.

"What is it, Francis?" He asked, but according to his son's frightened voice, he could guess something was terribly wrong.

"Call 911, it's Jamie, he is unresponsive," Frank shouted at his father.

"What do you mean, he is unresponsive?" Henry asked his son, not processing Frank's words.

"He has got a fever and I can't wake him up," Frank cried with horror in his voice.

"Alright, I'm calling 911. Francis, stay with Jamie, I will be waiting for the ambulance in front of the house." Henry informed his son. "I will also call Danny while I wait," he added, dialing 911.

"Ok," the commissioner replied, hastily walking back to his son, leaning over to Jamie, brushing his bold head.

"Jamie, son, you have to keep fighting," he whispered to his youngest, tears glittering in his eyes. "Please, Jamie, you have to keep fighting, because we can't lose you. I can't lose you!" He begged his son, tears streaming down his cheeks. The commissioner was always a tough guy, who hold it together, but this was his youngest son, his baby, who could have been dying right now.

"I love you so much," he whispered into Jamie's ear. "We all love you so much."

"Oh God, please, you can't take him from me. You just can't. You have already taken my wife and my middle son, you can't take my youngest son from me too," he sobbed, holding Jamie in his arms.

The medics arrived in the house shortly after Henry called them, but for Frank and Henry, the wait seemed endless.

Henry was already awaiting them in front of the house. Led by Henry, two medics hurried upstairs to the dreaded father and his unresponsive son.

"Sir?" One of the medics greeted Frank, asking the commissioner to brief him about the situation.

"This is my son Jamie. He is twenty-eight years old. He is an oncology patient, who was diagnosed with testicular cancer four months ago. I found him unresponsive about five minutes ago," Frank informed the medics, getting out of their way, so they could work on Jamie.

"Ok," one of the medics replied as he started to check Jamie's vitals. "When was his last chemo?" The medic wanted to know.

"Two days ago," Frank stated.

"Alright, sir," one of the medics said after they finished examining Jamie. "It seems, your son is having an infection. We will give him broad-spectrum antibiotics straight away, but we need to take him to the hospital," he informed the dreaded father.

"Ok," Frank responded weakly, watching the other medic who began to set up an IV into Jamie's left arm.

They then started to load Jamie on a stretcher.

"You can come with us," one of the medics suggested to Frank.

"You go with Jamie, Francis! I will meet you at the hospital." Henry told his son, squeezing his shoulder, trying to encourage him.

"Ok, pop," Frank replied, mindlessly following the medics outside. _This could not be happening_. He thought for himself.

But it was happening.


	12. Chapter 12

Danny met his father at the hospital.

"Dad, how is he?" He asked the commissioner, unable to hide the fear in his voice.

"I don't know," Frank admitted honestly. "They are treating him right now," the commissioner explained to his oldest son.

Being a detective for such a long time, Danny couldn't not notice his father's shaking hands.

"Dad," Danny called his father, trying to get his attention. "Why don't you sit down?" He suggested carefully to Frank, gently leading the commissioner to a chair. He was now not only worried about his younger brother, but also his father because the last time Danny saw his father like this was when Joe died.

This couldn't be good. Danny thought for himself.

As they sat down Danny turned to his father asking: "Dad, what happened?"

"I don't know." The commissioner replied. "I went to check up on your brother and I found him unresponsive, so we called 911," the dreaded father explained. His voice was breaking.

Danny thought his father might be still in a shock.

"He will be OK, dad," Danny tried to assure the commissioner, squeezing his arm firmly. "He will be OK," he repeated once again. He has to be okay. Danny kept telling himself since the moment he got the news.

"I pray to God, Danny" his father uttered. "I pray to God," he stated again, tears filling his eyes.

The door opened and an older-looking doctor walked into the waiting room.

"Mr. Reagan," he approached Frank. "Your son is all set at the ICU unit. You can go and see him now if you want, but only you," the doctor stated, giving Danny an apologizing look.

Frank nodded his head. "Thank you, doctor," he replied.

"I'll have the nurse to take you to your son," the doctor added then.

He paused for a while before he continued.

"Mr. Reagan, you need to prepare yourself...," he started. There was no easy way how to say what he was about to say. "I'm afraid this could go sideways." The doctor implicated as gently as he could, looking sympathetically at the worried father and his son. "The thing is, thanks to the aggressive treatment Jamie's body is extremely weak and, honestly, we don't know how much he can take." He told them the truth, knowing how terrible the news must have been for them.

Frank could feel fear growing inside of him. This could not be happening. He thought for himself. He took a deep breath, desperately trying to calm down, but it didn't seem to help much. Danny gave his father a tight squeeze, letting him know that he was there for him. He was now his father's rock stone the commissioner could lean on.

Frank looked at his oldest son, tears glittering in his eyes.

He was worried sick for his youngest child's life.

"Dad," Danny started, having a lot of troubles to fight the tears himself. "You have to be strong now for Jamie," he told his father, trying to encourage him the best he could.

Frank took another deep breath, trying to pull himself back together. "I know, Danny," he sighed heavily, embracing Danny into his arms. He needed to hug his son now because he felt like his world was falling apart. He needed to know that at least one of his sons was standing next to him right now, healthy, not balancing between life and death.

"Dad, would you tell Jamie that I love him?" Danny asked his father.

"I will," Frank promised, giving Danny a weak smile.

"Danny, someone needs to call Erin," the commissioner told his son when he finally released Danny from his grasp. "She doesn't know yet." He added.

"Dad, you don't have to worry about that. I already called her. I also spoke with pops and he should be here any minute. He took a cab after you left." He informed his father quickly.

"Thank you, Danny," the commissioner uttered weakly, giving Danny one last look before he left the room following the ICU nurse.

The nurse took Frank to Jamie, but first, before he could enter the ICU room, he had not only to sanitize his hands but also wear a protective gown and a mask. He understood why he had to do that, for it was the hospital policy to prevent spreading the infections.

He sighed when he saw Jamie laying in the hospital bed surrounded by all those machines which were making sure his son was alive. He walked slowly towards his son's bed, gently taking Jamie's hand into his own hands.

"Jamie," he uttered in a low voice, looking down at Jamie's lifeless body. "I'm here with you, son," he whispered, tears streaming down his face.

He could hear the heart monitor beeping, filling the quiet room with disturbing noise.

"Jamie, you have to keep fighting for me, son, because I honestly could not survive to lose you," the commissioner told his youngest, gently squeezing his son's hand. "None of us could survive to lose you!"

"Mary, please, just keep him safe! Keep him here with me. I beg you!" He whispered, praying to his late wife. His voice was breaking.

He was terrified for his son's life ever since he found Jamie unresponsive earlier that evening, but seeing him now, surrounded by all those machines, made his fears even more real.

***BB***

Frank Reagan just stretched out, for his back was aching from the uncomfortable hospital chairs. It was already eight a clock in the morning. The last time the doctor let him see his son was a couple of hours ago. Frank was tired, but mainly he was worried about his youngest child. He hasn't closed his eyes even for a moment during the last night.

He looked up when he heard a negligible noise coming from the doorway. He saw Garrett walking in. Garret took a seat next to his friend not saying a single word.

"So, how is he?" He asked finally, whispering, not wanting to wake up the sleeping family members.

"Honestly, I don't know. I haven't seen him since last night," Frank sighed heavily.

Garrett could see the fear written in his friend's eyes.

"Frank, he will be alright!" Garrett tried to encourage the commissioner.

"I pray to God he was!" Frank uttered, looking down to the floor.

There was a moment of silence. Neither one of them knew what to say.

"This is just not right, you know." The commissioner finally broke the silence. "From all the people, why my son? Why Jamie?" He asked finding it hard to believe that such a thing could be happening to his youngest child.

"Frank, I'm afraid many parents are asking the same question right now," Garrett told Frank carefully. He knew how hard this must have been on his friend, for Frank has already lost not only his wife but also his middle son. The idea of his friend losing another child seemed just unbearable.

"I know, it's just, it doesn't make it any easier." The commissioner sighed again, unable to look into his friend's eyes.

"Frank, he will get through this!" Garrett stressed again. "You will all get through this!" He tried to assure the commissioner.

"I wish you were right," Frank uttered, rubbing his forehead tiredly.

"You know, I never favored any of my children, but Jamie...he is different...always has, always was...," he sighed heavily.

"I mean, compared to his other siblings he always was the most easy-going kid ever," Frank pointed out, a weak smile spreading on his lips, remembering Jamie when he was a child.

"Yeah," Garrett just laughed. "I can imagine. Compared to Danny, Jamie must have been an angel," he stated, giving sleeping Danny an amused glance.

"You know, Mary and I, we did not plan Jamie. He came as a surprise." The commissioner told his friend. "But it was the best surprise I ever got." Frank smiled weakly, nodding his head.

"Frank, Jamie is a fighter, he will pull through!" Garrett stressed, squeezing Frank's arm, trying to give him some faith. But he could only imagine what his friend was going through right now.

***BB***

Danny was pacing across the waiting room, eager to hear a word on his brother. He looked around the room. Erin was now quietly talking to Linda, both assuring each other that their beloved family member was going to be OK. His grandfather was doing a crossword, but Danny knew more than well that he wasn't paying attention to it. His father was just sitting there, blankly staring at the wall. He was the one Danny was worried about the most, besides Jamie, of course.

He walked over to Frank, gently touching his father's shoulder, wanting to know if he was Ok.

"Ehm, dad, you ok?" Danny asked his father worried.

"Yeah, Danny, I'm!" Frank assured his oldest, looking up at Danny.

"Don't you want me to bring you something? Coffee, water or something to eat?" Danny offered, hoping his father would at least drink something.

"No, I'm fine," the commissioner replied, unable to think about anything else but his youngest son.

"I'll bring you some water and coffee," Danny just stated, not taking no for an answer. "And something to eat," he mumbled for himself as he walked to his grandfather.

"Gramps, would you like something to eat or drink?" He asked Henry then.

His grandfather looked up from the crossword. "Coffee will be just fine," he replied to Danny, giving him a thankful smile.

"Alright, Erin, what about you?" Danny asked his sister, noticing how pale she looked.

"Just some water, please," she ordered. She wasn't far away from breaking down, but she told herself she has to keep it together for her brother's and father's sake.

Danny then turned to Linda.

"Linda, would you come with me to help?" He asked his wife.

Linda just shot up, following her husband outside of the room.

"This waiting is just killing me," Danny complained to his wife when they left the room.

"I know, Danny," Linda replied sadly, taking her husband's arm, trying to comfort him at least a bit.

"I mean, I wish we had some news about Jamie by now," her husband sighed tiredly.

"I get it, Danny, I do, but we have to be patient!" Linda told her husband, knowing that right now all they could do was wait.

"I know, Linda, but frankly, I'm out of my mind being worried sick for my kid brother," Danny admitted to his wife. It has been already several hours since they spoke to the doctor the last time and they still had no news about Jamie's condition.

"We better pray for him, Danny!" Linda uttered sadly, knowing well that her brother-in-law's life was now on the edge.

***BB***

The doctor walked into the room, giving the tired family a sympathetic look. They all stood up as he approached them.

"So, how is he?" Henry asked, fearing the worst when he saw how worried the doctor looked.

"I'm not going to lie to you," the doctor stated. "It's not good," he confirmed their fears.

Danny rather held Erin firmly, providing her support, for he was afraid she might have faint. She was now as pale as were the hospital walls, tears streaming down her cheeks, being worried sick for her younger brother.

"Jamie's body is fighting severe infection and as you probably know, thanks to the chemotherapy his body has been through a lot already. He practically doesn't have any immune system," the doctor pointed out.

"We are treating the infection with broad-spectrum antibiotics, but Jamie is also suffering from leucopenia, which means his body isn't producing enough of the white blood cells, which are important for the body to fight the infection. Therefore, we are giving him some steroids and vitamins to activate the bone marrow to increase the production of the leukocytes." The doctor explained patiently to the dreaded family. He felt sorry for them because he could clearly see the fear written on their faces. He paused before he continued, so they could absorb the news.

"Unfortunately, in Jamie's case, there is also a risk of kidney and heart failure," the doctor added sadly.

This was too much for Erin and she burst out with tears, not able to control herself anymore. Danny and Linda were now both gently rubbing her back, each standing on the other side, trying to soothe Erin down.

"He woke up during the last night, but we decided to put him into a medically induced coma to allow his body to rest, because we were worried his heart might not withstand it," the doctor informed the dreaded family.

"Can we see him?" Danny asked the doctor, wanting nothing else, but to see his brother.

"I'm afraid that's not possible right now," the doctor replied, giving them an apologizing look. "But, I will let your father see Jamie." The doctor stated towards Frank who remained silent the whole time, fearing for his child's life.

Truth to be told, the commissioner didn't know what was happening around him right now. This all felt like a nightmare he was desperately trying to wake up from. Of course, he could hear the doctor's words, but it seemed like an echo coming to him from a far distance.

Oh, God, please, keep him safe! He kept repeating to himself.

Please, don't take away my son. If you want to take someone, take me, but don't take my child! He thought.


	13. Chapter 13

It was already three days since Jamie was rushed to the hospital. Three sleepless nights for his father and the rest of the family, who were nervously awaiting the news about their beloved family member. The commissioner wasn't willing to leave the hospital even for a moment. It was only on Wednesday when Danny managed to convince his father to go home and at least take a shower. Danny secretly hoped he would convince Frank to take a nap there, but he wasn't really successful.

There were no news about Jamie's condition. He wasn't neither improving, nor was he getting worse.

Erin came to the hospital while her father was home taking a shower. She handed Danny a cup of coffee, sitting down next to her brother. _This whole waiting was just killing her._ She thought for herself. But then, it wasn't easy for anybody in her family.

Danny and Erin just sat next to each other, wordlessly drinking the coffee. Erin leaned her head against her brother's shoulder, finding a comfort by his side. Danny planted his sister's head a kiss, embracing his hand around her arms.

"He will be ok," Danny whispered into Erin's ear, trying to encourage her a bit.

"I wish you were right," she sighed heavily, cuddling bit closer to her brother.

Danny just rubbed her back gently, trying to soothe her down. But the truth was, he was pretty much worried himself.

"You remember what he was like when he was little?" Erin asked Danny suddenly. "He always wanted to do everything we did," She reminded her brother, thinking about Jamie.

"How could I forgot?" Danny smirked for himself. "Remember, when he almost drown himself because he wanted to prove us he could swim as good as we did," he reminded Erin.

"Yeah, I do," Erin just laughed. "Joe had to literally drag him out of the water or he would really have drown himself." She stated, giving Danny a grin.

"Or when he insisted he was big enough to go fishing with us." Danny mentioned towards his sister. "The kid just kept begging and begging. So, dad and grandpa finally agreed to take him with us to the fishing trip. Although mum didn't think it was a good idea." Danny recalled.

"Dad made me and Joe watch over Jamie to our very much protests." He added as he remembered the event.

"Of course, we didn't particularly pay attention to our kid brother. So, naturally we didn't see how the fish he caught pulled him under the water. The kid just wouldn't let go of that bloody rod. So proud of his first fish he caught. Finally, dad had to pull him out of the water or the kid would drown himself." He reminded Erin, shaking his head.

"You should have seen dad," Danny told Erin. "He was so pissed with me and Joe that we didn't look after our baby brother." He remembered.

_How many years it must have been since they took that fishing trip? _He thought for himself. _Was it already twenty years ago?_ _He was then eighteen._ He counted in his head.

_Who would have thought that twenty years later one of his brothers would be dead and the other will be fighting for his bare life?_ Danny thought for himself, shaking his head, not able to believe it.

He sighed heavily, rubbing Erin's back.

"Danny," Erin called her brother, trying to get his attention. "I'm scared," she uttered weakly, looking into his eyes.

"Yeah, I know, sis," he replied, planting another kiss into her hair. _Me too_. He thought. But he had to be strong now. Not only for Jamie, but also for his father and his sister.

*****BB*****

Two days later, the doctors decided to try to wake Jamie from his medically induced coma to see how his body will react. It was already late in the afternoon when Frank Reagan was allowed to briefly visit his son again. The doctors still did not allow anyone else, beside the commissioner, to visit Jamie, for his condition was still not good.

The dreaded father was now standing next to his son's hospital bed, holding his child's hand, talking to Jamie in a low voice. The ICU unit was a simply equipped room with various machines in it, Frank did not really know what they were for. He could hear the heart monitor beeping every other second, finding strange comfort in that disturbing noise. Although the sound of the beeping wasn't pleasant, to him it represented hope. It meant his son was alive, fighting. Frank sighed heavily, looking down at his youngest son's lifeless body. Jamie just looked so thin and pale.

The commissioner gently brushed Jamie's bold head, wishing Jamie would wake up.

"Jamie, please, just keep fighting, my boy," he begged his son.

Frank remembered the day Jamie was born. He could see it in front of his eyes like a picture. The moment Mary woke him up, telling him she was having contractions. The endless wait before Jamie came to this world. He recalled how nervous he was because the birth was taking forever, or at least compared to the birth of his other children. He also remembered Mary holding their new born baby in her loving arms, giving Jamie's little head a gentle kiss. Or how he finally held Jamie in his own arms for the first time, wordlessly welcoming his new born son into their family.

It seemed like it all happened just yesterday, but in reality it has already been twenty eight years. It also has been seven years since his beloved wife passed away and three years since his middle son was shot. And now, his youngest son was fighting for his bare life.

_Oh, God, I can't lose Jamie too._ The commissioner thought for himself as he prayed to God for his son's recovery.

And it was in this moment when he heard his son's voice calling him.

"Dad," Jamie uttered weakly.

Frank looked down at his son, not really able to believe his own eyes.

"Jamie," the commissioner almost exclaimed, squeezing his son's hand, letting him know that he was there with him.

Frank could see his son was obviously not feeling well and that he was awfully weak, but at least he opened his eyes, letting him know that he was still there with them.

"Dad," Jamie repeated again. His voice was barely a whisper.

"It's ok, son, I'm here with you," the commissioner told Jamie, squeezing his hand.

"Jamie, how do you feel?" Frank asked his son.

"Not good," Jamie whispered tiredly for it was difficult for him to even speak.

"Should I call the nurse?" His father wanted to know.

"No, it's ok," Jamie mumbled, giving his father's hand a weak squeeze. "Just stay," he pleaded his father before he felt asleep again.

*****BB*****

"Dad, how is he?" Danny wanted to know eagerly. He came to the hospital the first thing he heard Jamie woke up.

"Well, he is very weak," the commissioner told Danny the truth.

"But he woke up, right?" Danny asked nervously.

"Yes, he did," the commissioner assured his oldest.

"So, does it mean…," Danny implicated, unable to finish the sentence. He was so worried for his brother the whole time.

"No, Danny, he is not out of the woods yet, but according to his doctors he is slightly improving." Frank informed his oldest son, trying to encourage him a bit.

"Did he say something when he woke up?" Danny wanted to know

"Well, he didn't say much." His father uttered. "I asked him how he was and he told me he wasn't feeling good and then he asked me to stay. That's all he said before he felt asleep again." Frank told his son.

"But he will be okay, right?" Danny asked his father, looking for reassurance. "I mean, he woke up…," he added, being desperate to hear that his kid brother will be okay.

"I hope so, son," was all the commissioner could tell Danny right now.

*****BB*****

It took another several hours until Jamie woke up again.

Frank squeezed Jamie's hand, wordlessly letting him know he was there with him.

Jamie's tired eye's just found his father's face, giving him a weak smile.

"Dad," Jamie uttered, looking into his father's eyes. He was exhausted, but he was grateful to see his father.

"What is it, Jamie?" The commissioner asked his son tenderly.

"I saw mum," Jamie mumbled tiredly towards his father.

"What do you mean, Jamie?" The commissioner questioned surprised, not really understanding what Jamie was talking about.

"I mean, when I was unconscious," Jamie explained to his father.

"You did?" The commissioner uttered.

"I did." Jamie replied. "She came to me and she gave me a kiss, embracing me in her arms, telling me how proud she was of me," Jamie told his father.

"Well, that sounds like your mother," the commissioner uttered, giving Jamie a weak smile. Tears glittering in his eyes, knowing how close he was to losing his beloved son.

"She just held me in her arms, rubbing my back." Jamie continued.

"I wanted to stay with her, because I didn't feel any pain there," he said to his father.

The commissioner just gasped for a breath, tears filling his eyes.

"Jamie…," he started, not sure what he should tell his son.

"But mum told me that I needed to go back to you," Jamie added tiredly, giving Frank a weak smile.

"Well, she was right," Frank told Jamie, squeezing his son's hand, thanking to his deceased wife for keeping Jamie with him.

"She also wanted me to tell you that she was okay," Jamie told his father. "And so is Joe." He added.

"Did you see Joe, Jamie?" Frank wanted to know.

"No," Jamie shook his head. "Mum just told me about him and that he was watching out for me," Jamie explained to his father.

"I'm sure he is," Frank admitted, giving his son a warm smile.

"Dad?" Jamie called his father.

"What is it, Jamie," Frank asked his son.

"I'm tired," Jamie mumbled.

"It's okay, son, just go back to sleep," the commissioner told his son, stroking his bold head. Thanking God for keeping his child here with him.

"Dad?" Jamie uttered weakly.

"What is it, Jamie?" The commissioner wanted to know.

"I love you," Jamie stated towards his father, closing his eyes again.

"I love you too, son!" Frank told Jamie, planting his head a gentle kiss.

**TBC**

**Just wanted to thank you guys for your support and tell you that I have been working on some of my other stories so stay tuned, The Blue Templar and Losing Jamie will continue soon :)**

**And much love to Will for his activism in Climate Strike movement or how is it called. Save the Earth. Reduce, reuse, refuse, recycle... and plant trees. Amen.**


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